Friday, March 20, 2015


I’m not a mother...

At least not here on this earth.

But I am enough.

I’ve never felt my baby kick or seen my own child’s eyes.

But I am enough.

I’ve never been blessed with the task of juggling kids and work.

But I am enough.

I’ve never gone through the miracle of giving birth. 

I’ve never had sleepless nights because of a gift from God crying out for me.

I’ve never had the blessing of being able to give nutrition to a baby from my own breast.

But I am enough.

My womb is empty.

No one calls me mommy.

But I am enough. 

Instead of stretch marks, I have surgery scars, from the many times this disease has been cut out and burned.

Instead of sleepless nights with a baby crying, I have sleepless nights with my own tears, crying out to my Father in Heaven.

Instead of days filled with giggles, tantrums, cleaning after littles, and snuggles, I have days filled with longing and loneliness.

I am not a mother...

At least not here on this earth.

I don’t know what it’s like to celebrate in my own child’s successes and see them overcome.

I don’t know what it’s like to watch my child grow, eyes wide with wonder and excitement.

I don’t know what it’s like to teach valuable lessons to a life that trusts me so greatly.

I have never experienced the life you know of as a mommy - the life that you may take for granted at times and not even realize it.

I don’t have the opportunity to complain about little lives in mine.

I don’t have the right to attend mommy events and bond over stories of the craziness of motherhood.

I don’t walk into baby clothing stores and ooh and ahh over the cuteness. In fact, I avoid those stores.

Yes, it’s true....

I cannot relate to you and the millions of others blessed with the experience of being a mom.

But I have experienced more with my empty arms then you may ever know. 

I am childless,

But I am enough.

To anyone else struggling with infertility and/or loss - 

YOU are enough too, my sweet friend. 

Don’t ever let anyone tell you different or make you feel less like a woman. 

You are loved.

You are worthy.

You are precious.

1 comment:

  1. Oh honey I am so sorry you are going through all of this. You are and always will be ENOUGH!!

    I also wanted to comment on your last post and say that I am sorry people say dumb shit!! It is not your fault! You did nothing wrong! I am so sorry you can't find the support you need either. Look online for support groups. There are many great groups where you can talk to people who know exactly what you are going through. And if you ever want to talk, rant, scream, me at the email address on my blog...I'm here!!