Friday, February 13, 2015

Two Weeks

Two weeks, Love.  
Two weeks today since we were in the doctors office, being told you didn’t have a heartbeat anymore. My body failed you. I couldn’t keep you from harm. I couldn’t help you grow to be healthy & strong. 
Oh, how I wish we could go back in time with a different ending to this day. The pain. The tears. Let’s just wash them away and pretend you are still here - still growing and on track to be in my arms. You would be eleven weeks tomorrow then, Love.  
I miss the way my body felt. The soreness in my chest, the way I could pick up every smell that made me feel sick to my stomach, and yes, even the bloating...because it all let me know you were there. You were growing. 
I miss the hoping. The future we dreamed with you. I miss reading my pregnancy books that I eagerly bought in anticipation of being a mother. 
I miss looking at little baby shoes and thinking of my first mother’s day with you growing inside of me. I miss dreaming of you. 
I miss wondering what your eyes and hair would look like. Wondering what your personality would be - who you would grow to be.
I miss you, Love.

Missing you, sweet baby Brush. ❤️   
My heart longs for you.  My memory asks for you all the time. 

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