Sunday, October 23, 2011

Dishes in the Sink

Anyone that knows me is aware that I have a problem with dirty dishes. 

I can’t stand them...and I’m obsessed with always having a clean sink. I’ve even embraced the idea of loving to clean dishes. Call me crazy. Call me OCD. Whatever. 

I’m aware this little “problem” makes me the perfect candidate for a dinner party at a friend’s house. Just invite me over for some food, cook like a chef throwing a party for the last day of her life, and watch me clean every dish in your sink afterwards with a passion. Don’t try to tell me to forget it--to not worry about those dirty piles of cookware crusted with food that are hanging around looking ugly in your sink. JUST GIVE ME YOUR DIRTY DISHES and everyone will be happy. 

That is, until lately.

Man, lately, I just haven’t been myself. 

Most of you know that in June of this year, my family and I lost someone very special to us in Afghanistan. Pfc. Josh Jetton died serving our country. The loss felt is too great for words. 

I am confused. 

I am angry. 

I am tired. 

I am depressed. 

I am at loss. 

I am empty. 

And I don't understand how God could allow this to happen. I trusted Him through poverty, homelessness, sickness and disease, heartbreak, and the loss of others who have been so close to me. 

And yes, I still do trust Him... 

But losing someone that meant the world to my family and I has been tearing me up.

I have so many questions. 

I can't sleep. I can't run (even though I'm still traveling to DC this Thursday to run the Marine Corps Marathon on the 30’th with the TAPS Run & Remember team in memory of Josh). I can’t train. I can’t motivate myself to do anything. It looks and feels like my life is falling apart...and it would be without God and my friends and family holding me together. 

Pfc. Joshua Jetton 9.18.1989 - 6.20.2011

So, here I am, over 3 weeks past my last post. 

Dirty dishes in the sink. 

And not an ounce of interest in cleaning them.

UPDATE: After writing this...I did my dishes...and went for a 30 mile bike ride. Ahhh, God is good.