Thursday, July 21, 2011

Wicked Curveball

There are times in life when something apparently devastating turns out to be a blessing.

Do you know what I mean?

When I was left at the alter 4 years ago, I never would have imagined that I’d thank God for it. When another broken engagement and cancelled wedding occurred 2 years later, I never would have thought the heartbreak would be a good thing. Now, of course, I can look back and thank the Lord that I’m not married to either one of those men. But at the time, it felt like life had thrown me the most wicked of curveballs...and hit me right smack in the head.

When I had another surgery to remove stage IV endometriosis last fall, I never would have thought that God could make any good come out of it. Yes, I might have said he could--but I didn’t really think that this disease and treatment would be something I could thank God for. When I had to go through the months on Lupron, I never once imagined how it could actually be a blessing.

Yes, the obvious thought is that the Lupron is a good thing if it prevents the Endo from growing back (or at least slows the process), but that’s not what I’m getting at here.

I am healthy right now.

Very healthy.

I ran 13 miles twice this week. I swam countless hours in the pool and hit up a mile swim in the lake this week already too. I biked for miles and climbed up hills repeatedly the last 5 days. I lifted weights and did AB work like it was nothing.

3 months ago, I was “fit” to some people, but I was not healthy. I could run marathons and bike for a good amount of time, but I couldn’t eat or sleep. I was pushing with everything that I had just to keep my body going. I was struggling. I was weak. I was sick.

Since the last dose of Lupron began to wear off at the end of May, the changes in my body have been phenomenal. I am getting stronger every day...faster than I ever did in my training in the past. Yes, I had coaches that were a big part of my improvement in my training. BUT the way that my body has been responding in my workouts is incredibly different.

It’s pretty amazing, actually.

All the training that I did on the Lupron was a little crazy. Yes, I admit that. My doctor told me that he didn’t think I’d be able to complete the marathons and half-marathons on the treatment. He gave me the “ok” to train with the thinking that I’d quit due to the difficulty (as I was informed after my marathons).

Well, thank God that I’m too much of a stubborn ass to quit ‘cause all those months of pushing through sickness and training are finally rewarding me.

Lupron was a scary curveball for sure, but I don’t think I could be progressing this fast and getting so much stronger every day if I hadn’t been training while on it.

Does that make any sense?

Training through the treatment was the hardest physical challenge of my life. Now that I’m free of the pain, my training has been even better. Maybe it’s the surge of estrogen in my body that feels so amazing. Maybe it’s being able to eat, sleep, and push through workouts without being sick. Maybe it’s just realizing how blessed I am to be training again.

As crazy as it sounds, friends, I’m thanking God right now for the sickness and Lupron because of all the things that have come about from it. I have a new appreciation for the ability to move that fuels my workouts. Just the thought that I’m no longer in pain or in bed makes me happy. Often times, I have random smiles while I’m running, biking, or swimming because of how blessed I am to be training. I kid you not, I’ve found myself laughing underwater randomly.

I’ve got every reason to be smiling with appreciation for what I went through since last September because it has made me stronger, tougher, and better.

I never would have thought I’d be thanking God for allowing that wicked curveball to come my way, but ohhhhhhhhh...surprise, surprise...He brought something good out of the pain once again.

"You did it: you changed wild lament 
      into whirling dance; 
   You ripped off my black mourning band 
      and decked me with wildflowers. 
   I'm about to burst with song; 
      I can't keep quiet about you. 
   God, my God, 
      I can't thank you enough.”
~Psalm 30:11

Side note: I AM still bleeding (started my period about a month ago and it’s been almost nonstop). I am on birth control, but Dr. G is gonna find something that might work better. I’m not worried. I’m not in pain. I’m on a healthy diet and hitting up the supplements to help. I’m still incredibly happy. 

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