Friday, July 8, 2011

Trusting the Unknown

I don’t feel like God is with me right now. I feel totally lost and alone. I’m trying to get through, but I feel like I’m failing at it.

I have no motivation anymore. I’m so hurt that I don’t want to do anything. My suitcase is still packed from my trip. My car is still packed pretty much too. I don’t want to unpack. I don’t want to move.

I have a sprint triathlon this sunday. I should be excited, but I’m not. I should be happy to get to train, but I’m not. I should be trusting God and saying “whatever your will. whatever you want, Lord”, but I’m not. Instead, I’m upset, sad, and depressed.  I don’t see God’s hand in this.

Obviously, all that I can do is trust right now. There is no other option. Trust what I can’t see or feel. Trust that there is a God who actually loves and cares for me, even when I feel forsaken. Trust that there is some bigger plan, even when everything looks like chaos, and even when I lose someone that I love. So yeah, that is what I’m doing.


I have no choice.

‎"I will always show you where to go. I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
 firm muscles, strong bones.”
 -Isaiah 58:11

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