Friday, July 8, 2011

Mistakes

I shut my blog down this morning.

I wasn’t going to keep it up anymore. I was going to have it off completely. I had made the stupid mistake in writing about someone, naming names, and believing that it really didn’t matter--that no one would see it. I couldn’t fathom that my blog would come up in the NWA community. I really believed that no one would read all my ramblings. I thought posting this stuff online was no big deal.

That I was safe.

I figured the only people looking and searching for anything that I write would be those that have endometriosis or are struggling with other sicknesses. I thought that maybe...just maybe...the right person would stumble upon my little journey with this disease and be given some kind of hope.

And maybe that is true.

But unfortunately, the wrong person stumbled upon my blog.

I made a mistake.

A really bad mistake in thinking that I was immune to the openness of the online world. I should have realized it when my google searches were going crazy with my nickname (which is not posted on my blog). I should have taken a clue that someone who knew me was reading. And I should have realized that everything I was putting out here could be read by anyone...anywhere.

I was stupid. And wrong. So wrong.

I apologized to this person, but it’s too late. The mistake has been made. The damage has been done.

I learned my lesson. A really crappy lesson on my part.

I went through and deleted any postings with this person or I changed the name. I made the decision to keep my blog up because I know that it is helpful to others who are struggling with this sickness. I am embarrassed at my openness and stupidity, but it would be selfish of me to keep my experience with endometriosis, surgeries, and Lupron to myself.

I just want to encourage and help others that are going through the pain that I went through. My blog isn’t that great. I’m not much of a writer and it shows. But I want other women to know that the journey of this disease isn’t all hell. That there are moments of hope and happiness. The drugs aren’t the best, but sometimes they help. I want to share that even on the lowest of days, there is always a better tomorrow.

And that even on 6 months of Lupron....running a couple of marathons is possible.

I’m not perfect. I’m a huge mess. I have so many faults that it can be overwhelming. I make mistakes by the millions. The thought of what I did makes me sick.

I’ve learned from this experience. I know better  now. I’ll be more careful about what I say and write because I know if the situation was reversed--and I was in their shoes--then I would be very hurt.

I doubt that this person will be reading this blog anymore seeing has how the relationship has ended, but if so, please know that I am incredibly sorry.

I’ve learned from my mistakes...the hard way.

My post isn’t just about mistakes. As usual, I’m baring all when it comes to my health problems. Today...I started bleeding really bad again. It’s been only 2 weeks since my first period after Lupron, but for some reason I’m cramping and bleeding more. I’m even on a BC that is supposed to keep me from having a period for 3 months...but it isn’t working right now. Dr. G wants me to come in next week to get checked out...again. I’m not worried, just bummed.

6 comments:

  1. Oh, so glad to see you are back! I tried to read your blog this morning and I was redirected to the page saying that your blog was no longer available! I really would have missed you!

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  2. I'm glad you decided to stay too!!

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  3. Also, the more I think about it...you have the right to write whatever you want and I hope you never stop writing. Maybe the mean girl wasn't mad b/c you wrote about her acting like a b*&ch maybe what she was really upset about is that she really was being a b*&ch.

    Really would she have been upset if you wrote how awesome she is?

    Keep writing it is your absolute right too! And from now on just call her "B"!! LOL!!

    :)

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  4. Glad you decided to stay. :)

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  5. I'm sorry you had to go through this friend. I know it's got to be hard, and upsetting. I do think that you should never have to apologize for being true to yourself and your feelings, but... I'm sorry you have regrets.

    As for the return of pain, I'm so incredibly sorry friend. Please please please though, send your records to Dr. Cook. He does free phone consults. It would be worth it to get his opinion. Good luck.

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  6. Thanks ladies (and thanks to the silent bunch that sent me e-mails). Although this blog has been a form of therapy, I was wrong to post about it. I definitely learned a lot from the experience.

    Thanks for the suggestion on Dr. Cook, SIF. I have to go back to my doc today because of the continued bleeding in the last 3 weeks. I hate the thought of another surgery, but you’re right--it would be worth his opinion.

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