Saturday, May 28, 2011

How did I get through that?

It is 4 in the afternoon in Central Florida. It’s 93 degrees outside, but I’m safe in my hotel room. I came home for the week to visit my family and see my little brother graduate from high school.


Yay!!!! 
I can’t tell you how proud of him that I am. With mom barely around and dad thousands of miles away, this kid has put himself through school on his own. It’s been one crazy, long school year full of times when we didn’t know if it would be possible for him to finish -- school tuition, transcripts, etc. He did it though. He pushed through. He didn’t quit. He graduated and will be heading off to NY for college this fall.

I’m “home” with family, but the hotel seemed like the best idea for my sisters and I due to the craziness. Mom hasn’t been much better since the last visit. I love her so much. It makes me so sad to see her waste away, living with a mental illness that has stolen her physical and emotional well-being. She’s still about 100 lbs. It breaks my heart to see. I try to not get mad when she is mean. I try to not hold it against her when she has a tantrum or an outburst. I try to remember my little momma the way she was years ago. We are all trying to remember her that way.

On another note, I did a mock sprint triathlon this morning. YUP! I swam in the lake that mom used to tell me is infested with gators (she still does, but ya know). I would get so scared in the past, but I did it this morning!!! I went with the tri group in the area. We did a 1/4 mile swim, 14 mile bike ride, and 3.1 mile run. It was crazy, amazing...and I ROCKED it.

After the sprint!

So, now, here it is 4 in the afternoon. 93 degrees. I’m tired and worn out from a day of celebration with the family and a sprint tri. I have a headache. I just said goodbye to my oldest sis (she is flying back to NY tonight). My heart is kind of heavy with sadness and my body is definitely tired. 

But I have to go run for 90 minutes. 

Yup. 

It’s on my training plan. And it isn’t just a little 90 minute pace. It’s a zone 3 run - that might not be much for some, but it’s enough to make me want to throw up in the heat. 

I got this.

Uh-huh. 

90 minutes.

I don’t know how I’m going to get thru it, but I will. 

Just like I got through the pain of another surgery, the hell of this disease, and the side effects of Lupron. 

Oh snap. Here I go...

3 comments:

  1. You're amazing! I hope someday to be able to do 5 miles never mind 10 or more plus a tri!! Amazing!! I need some of you motivation sent my way!

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  2. I'm glad you're home with your family... just wishing you had the mom you long for right now too!

    On another note though, I am so with Michaela - you are amazing!

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