Friday, April 29, 2011

Life goes on

It’s pretty late and I better get to sleep, but I can’t help and write an update on this week.

I decided to run the 5k tomorrow and the full OKC marathon on Sunday.

S has turned out to be different then what I expected. I don’t know if that is the right word, but I’m going with it. I don’t understand the man. It kind of makes me sick...because I should have known better. I’m done with trusting guys. Seriously.

So, life goes on. I lived and learned. I trusted and I got hurt....again.

But life still goes on.

Tomorrow, I will wake up before the sun, pack my bags, and go run the Susan G Komen 5k race for the cure. And then I will get in my care and drive 4 hours by myself to Oklahoma City to run a marathon on Sunday. It’s fun....but lonely for sure.

But life still goes on.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Don’t stinkin’ worry!

It has been a week since I posted. One whole week filled with lots of...LIFE.

I had my last dose of Lupron last Monday, thank the Lord! I spent most of Monday and Tuesday in bed, just sleeping. I don’t know if it’s all mental, but I feel like my body gets hit by a Mac-truck in the days immediately following the poison Lupron shots. I just get so tired! 

Wednesday I woke up feeling decent so I went for a run. A nice, long 11 mile run. S suggested it so I thought it sounded great, but to be honest, it completely wore me out. I was no good for the next couple of days. 

Friday afternoon, I headed to Oklahoma with the worship team at church for a retreat/training weekend. I was still exhausted. Everything in me begged for sleep. In between our teaching sessions, I would nap. At night, I would be the first one to hit the bed. I didn’t realize how tired this stuff made me until I was surrounded by a lot of other people constantly. Someone in the group asked me if I always slept this much. Of course I don’t, but I just shrugged my shoulders in response. 

Sunday I felt better. I ventured out on a bike ride with S and a few others. A 2 1/2 hour bike ride in the windy weather. I survived. I did better than survive. I made it through without exhausting myself. Ohhhhhh, finally, the first week of my last round of this dreaded drug has passed! 

I can’t wait until it is completely out of my system, but at the same time I’m a little scared. I’m finally feeling better--pain free! I’m just nervous about the endo and what it may be like when the estrogen production is up and rolling again. 

But one day at a time, right? 

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. 
Each day has enough trouble of its own” 
~Matthew 6:34

Enough boring, tired talk. 

S is hot, sweet, and a ton of fun. It’s no wonder that I haven’t posted in a week. The man definitely fills a big portion of my week. I really like him a lot. Maybe too much. It’s always too much. 

I like the way we can go bike and run for hours together...and I don’t have to beg him to go with me...since he loves to do it on his own anyway. I like how comfortable I am around him. The way I can fall on my face or make a fool of myself and laugh it off without dying of embarrassment. I like his smirks--the way he semi-laughs at things I don’t understand even when it drives me crazy. I like how he encourages me sooooooooo much. The man tells me how I’m amazing--which I think is clearly insane to think--but he definitely boosts my self-confidence.

I like....to look at him too. 

And breathe. 

Just breathe, chill, and relax. 

I could hang out with this man and have fun doing nothing. Yes, bike rides, runs, kisses, and all that jazz make it even better. 

I keep waiting for the end to come. The moment it all gets complicated and ridiculous. I’d rather it just stay like this. Stay simple. 

Nice, easy, and simple. 

Monday, April 11, 2011

Hogeye Marathon & last dose of Lupron

I did it.

I ran the Hogeye marathon yesterday. It was hot. It was windy. It was amazing.

The conditions of the race were insane. It was poorly put together. There were not enough aid stations (from mile 12 to 19, there was only 1) and the aid stations that were around...ran out of water. YUP. How on earth do you run a marathon in 87 degree weather without water? 

I had a little help. Actually, I had a lot of help. 

At the beginning of the race, around mile 3, I started to set into my steady pace with those around me. There was a couple, Josh and Kristin, who I started talking to (With 4 hours of running, I make friends with those around me!). The guy was a pro runner, sponsored by a popular shoe brand. His wife was more in my category--not a pro. They didn’t have race bibs or chips on because they didn’t officially register. They were just in town and decided to make it a training run for the Oklahoma City marathon in 3 weeks. The plan for Kristin and Josh was to just run 20 miles and then be good. BUT that’s not what happened. 

Instead, we all ran together. Well, Kristin and I ran together while Josh held our waters, carb packs, and anything else. In a race where the aid stations were few and far between, they were both a God send. Josh would run to the next station ahead of us or fall back to the previous station, fill his arms full of cups and gel packs, then run back to Kristin and I. 

It was incredible. 

At about mile 16, I took off my shirt so that I could just run in my sports bra. I was inhaling every ounce of liquid that I possibly could, but salt was covering my skin and I was extremely hot. As I was running along, with my soaked and salty shirt in hand, Josh grabbed it from me. YUP. This man, who I didn’t know at all before Sunday, was not only encouraging me...but carrying my water, gel packs, and...shirt.

Around mile 20, Kristin slowed to a jog/walk. I was the only one with a timing chip out of us all, so I had to keep on running to keep my time down. 

And Josh went with me. 

It got hilly and more windy towards the end, so he ran in front of me and blocked the wind. YUP. 

At one point, Josh looked back at me and laughed because I look up at the sky at times when I run. As weird as it may look, I pray a lot when I run....and for some strange reason, I tend to look up. He said, “Most people look down. I’ve never seen someone look up so much when they run”. What can I say? I’m a strange cat, but I know where my energy source and hope comes from. 

Josh ran me to the finish line then went back and ran his wife to the finish line too. How awesome is that? I think I might go to Oklahoma City in 3 weeks and run their marathon too. 

So, I ran 26.2 miles yesterday and I didn’t stop to walk once (except when I attempted to use the bathroom--but found I was too dehydrated to pee. Yes, I just wrote that on my blog). 

AND TODAY, I GOT MY LAST DOSE OF LUPRON! 

6 months of shots--finally done! 

I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know how I’ll feel in a few months. I don’t know if there will be pain or not. But I DO know that this is the best I have felt in years and I’m thanking God for it. 

After my injection this morning, I stayed in bed. I’ve slept all day...and I’m getting ready to sleep some more. Tomorrow, hopefully, I will be back on my feet again. 

Thank you, God, for getting me through this physical and emotional marathon....one step at a time. 






Saturday, April 9, 2011

Keep on hoping! Keep on running!

Wednesday, S and I biked for 4 hours in the windy weather for fun. I can’t even tell you how happy it makes me to have someone along during my crazy runs and rides now. Especially someone that is pretty darn cute, super athletic, and a good kisser.

Mmmmm-hmmmmmm.

We planned on riding 70 miles, but our mileage got cut down to 49 when the wind slowed me down. Yes, it was just me who was moving along at a snail’s pace. S could have done twice the mileage than me.

Yesterday, he brought up how we have only known each other for 2 months. It is crazy how much life can change in 2 months, isn’t it? I went from pushing through pain to feeling healthy again. Each and every day I am amazed at how good I feel. I love being able to eat and sleep, to live without hurting and being stuck in bed.

I love being able to go out with friends, run, and ride for miles.

Ya know what?

I could get used to this. I could do this forever. This living life thing. It’s pretty incredible, isn’t it?

It makes me think of the many times have I complained about insignificant things in the past. Things that don’t really matter--like the weather being too cold or hot, the grocery store line being too long, or maybe waking up before the crack of dawn. I’ve even complained of too much homework and not enough time. It just seems stupid when it comes down to it.

How many times did I fail to see how blessed that I am to be able to just LIVE? To be able to move without pain. To eat and sleep and just BE.

How many times have I missed the moments I’ve been given because I’m too caught up in the things I don’t have?

Too many to count.

It’s crazy how sick times in life make me appreciate the healthy days more. I read an article this week about Padma Lakshmi, the top chef star who battled endometriosis. Something she said really hit me.

"I didn’t know how much pain I was in until I wasn’t in pain anymore”. 

That is EXACTLY how I feel. I didn’t realize how bad this disease is until recently. I KNEW it hurt like hell--I felt it. But I didn’t realize just how horrible it is until I started feeling better.

I don’t know if that makes sense. I guess what I’m saying is that I had gotten so used to the pain that I didn’t realize just how bad it had gotten. I forgot what it feels like to live without hurting.

Do you know what else I did this week?

I went to softball games and dinner. I went on a trip to Eureka Springs for fun. I ate good food and laughed ’til my abs hurt. I went on a ride on S’s motorcycle.

I have had so much fun being able to just live life to the fullest--the way it should be. It’s what we all deserve. Every woman who is battling endometriosis or some other chronic illness that others snub and shrug off as a “female issue”. Every woman who has been forced to live in silent hurt, not knowing what to do or who to turn to for help. We deserve to live, laugh, and HOPE.

We still have the Hope 2 Endure site running. I’m still running as well! We don’t get very many donations, but whatever does come, goes directly to the Endometriosis Research Center. I think, more than anything, at least our stories are out there. We might not be raising much, but we are speaking out. We aren’t being silent about a disease that has robbed the life and happiness from so many. 

Tomorrow, I will run the Hogeye Marathon in Fayetteville, Arkansas. I’m super excited and beyond thankful to God for the opportunity to run. God is so good. So faithful.

Keeping hoping, ladies. Keep sharing your stories. NEVER, EVER GIVE UP. Keep fighting for awareness. Keep fighting for our cause. 

I’m off to more softball games, the marathon expo, a 3 mile jog to keep my legs moving before the race, and maybe I will even get to steal some more kisses.


Friday, April 8, 2011

Estrogen on the Rise???

This post is going to sound extremely shallow, but maybe it will give you a little laugh.

I think S is having an effect on me in a way that I didn’t know was possible on LUPRON. I think the man is making my estrogen levels rise.

My boobs are getting bigger.

Hilarious, right?

I swear to you. It sounds so crazy because I just had my last dose of the Lupron 2 weeks ago. Since being on the stuff, my D cups have gone down to C cups. A fact that I wasn’t too thrilled about.

But low and behold, my breast size is returning!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Does it get any better than this?

Does it get any better than this?

Seriously.

The last couple of weeks have been amazing. The last few days have been a blast. It feels as though each day just keeps getting better than the next.

Friday, I went trail running for 5 miles on a hilly course. The run was beautiful, but a little intense. At one point, I found myself knee deep in water, running through a creek to finish the trail. It was pretty exhausting, but well worth it. Afterwards, we stopped at this little backwoodsy place and got some massive ice cream cones. MASSIVE. Messy to eat, but tons of fun in the process. What could be better than a trail run and some ice cream with some great company?

google images


Saturday was race day for the Bentonville Half-Marathon. It was so much fun! My pace was pretty slow--finished in 2:05--but I did have a bathroom break and ran the last hill backwards so that I didn’t leave one of the guys behind. Kevin ran it too. Along with tons of people from his company and his son. It was so awesome to see Kevin run the 13.1 miles like it was nothing, while encouraging his 20 year old son to push through the pain. S ran the half as a pacer with his clients. R and J were there--a little bit behind Kevin and his son.  Oh, and our pastor ran the race too! How cool is that?


Kevin, me, and Pastor Mike!

What could be better than running a half-marathon and meeting up with friends at the finish line?

WAFFLES.

Yes, waffles. I have been craving waffles since the Little Rock marathon over a month ago. So yeah, I stuffed my face with some amazing waffles...and enjoyed every bite.

The weather by 2 in the afternoon was sunny and 70’s. Absolutely amazing! We decided to make the most of it and venture outside. I had some gloves in my trunk (Yes, I’m one of those people that carries sports equipment in my car--roller blades, ice skates, gloves, baseballs, etc. I should be a gym teacher). We went out to the fields and played catch and frisbee.

Let me just say that catch is probably one of my favorite things to do. I guess it comes from being a hockey goalie for so many years. I just love, love, love having flying objects coming at me. :-)

After playing outside for a couple of hours, we ate dinner and watched a movie. I went home that night completely in love with life and thanking God for every single minute.

Sunday was just as much fun. I sang in church with the praise team for all 3 services. It was like a church marathon from 7 AM to 1 PM.  I love that I get to serve in the church by singing!

After church, I hurried out to S’s so that we could meet up with a group for a 36 mile bike ride. I was a little sore from the running, but it was so much fun! The weather was about 80...and extremely windy, which made the biking a challenge. A good challenge though!

I love being able to write all this down because I want to be able to come back to days like these. I want to always remember what God has taken me through and the amazing blessings he has given me. All of these days filled with little things like running, catch, friends, and sunshine seem so little to some people. But to me...these things are amazing.

Amazing because I can finally get out of bed, without pain and bleeding, and live.

Yes, there will be more hard days ahead. I know this. But I also know that God is faithful. I have plenty of proof of his never-ending love in my life.

Thank God for the hard times that make me appreciate the good days.

Maybe that’s why I get so excited over running, ice cream, waffles, and friends. I know what it is like to go without anything or anyone. I know that God is all I need--and this other stuff in life is just an added bonus that I get to enjoy right now.

Thank God.