Thursday, March 31, 2011

Truly Blessed

I haven’t blogged in almost a week. I’ve thought about it every single day, but I have been distracted by other things. Studying. Sleeping. Training. Eating. Running. Singing.

Life has returned to me again. The pain is gone. I’m not hurting at all. There is no endo pain. There is not bone pain. There is barely any nausea. I’m sleeping about 5 hours a night...sometimes even without the sleeping medicine. I’m eating like crazy. My diet is pretty healthy and restrictive again, but I’m eating. 

I’m blessed. Really truly blessed by God. 

Life is not a fairytale. I’m still struggling with the hot flashes and occasional moodiness. I’m still tired a lot. But I’m moving without pain. I’m eating without throwing up. I’m living life the way it should be--with others--not by myself. 

I’m running marathons and half-marathons. I’m biking---and crashing my bike.

I’m singing in Church with an incredibility talented group of artists on the praise team. I’m just in awe that I have been given the opportunity to sing to the Lord with them. 

I’m living. This is how God intended for us to be. Pain free!

Tonight, we were rehearsing our songs for sunday’s praise and worship services, and I was approached by a fellow vocalists. She told me that her best friend has endometriosis. She asked if I could e-mail her or someway connect with her friend. It is moments like this, when I thank God for the courage he has given me in speaking out about this disease so that other can find comfort and answers. 

Keep spreading the word. Keep sharing the Hope 2 Endure link. 

Keep talking. Keep telling your story. Keep on, keep on. 

Someday all the talking, crying, bleeding, and infertility caused by this disease will be taken care of. 

I’m not content with have just my life back. I want to do more to help others get their lives back. 

Endometriosis is a real, horrible disease that affects millions upon millions of woman. 

We need a cure!

I’m determined to do whatever I can to raise awareness and funds for research for this horrible disease. I know God will help me overcome. I’ve been blessed with the ability to speak out, shout out, and run & bike for miles. 

I am truly blessed. 

I am running the Benontville Half-marathon in 2 days. 
And then I’m running the Hogeye Full-Marathon in 10 days

Oh yeah, and my last round of Lupron is 11 days away. No worries. God’s got a plan. 

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Bodily Parts

This is going to be a weird post, but something has been bothering me.

Not pain or nausea. 

My body. 

It seems like such little thing to worry about when I’m pain free and living life outside my room again, but maybe I’m a little vain. 

I’m in my fifth month of Lupron. YES,  I’m feeling better than I have in a very long time. I’m eating all the time. Green beans, snap peas, carrots, apples, oranges, spinach, bananas, mushrooms, lots of mixed nuts, and fish. I am eating veggies and fruit like there is no tomorrow...along with hummus...LOTS of hummus. 

I’m trying to keep my diet pretty clean again. Does it really make a difference? Who knows? But I’ve always tried to be pretty healthy when I can. The past few months have been so crazy with nutrition because I was just trying to keep food down. Now that I’m eating without getting sick, there is no excuse for eating right. Right? I guess it’s rather easy for me to eat “clean” since I crave the good foods, but it’s hard when everyone around me is eating “real” food. 

Anyway, S and I went to meet up with my a friend of mine for her birthday dinner. She is in love with this hillbilly backwoods restaurant that serves all you can eat crab legs. I’m typically not a fan of crab legs (it takes me way too long to eat them and I’m extremely messy from the attempt), but it was her favorite place. And I’ve been eating everything and anything I can lately. 

Ummmmm. What do diets and birthday crab dinners have to do with bodily parts? 

I’m tiny. I feel like my muscle is almost non-existant. Example: I used to wear a 6 in jeans. I’m a 2 now. I used to wear a 34DD bra. YUP. And now.....I’m a 32C. DO WHAT??!??! 



I miss my athletic body. I miss the way my breasts would fill my DD bras and my legs would be so built that you couldn’t pinch an ounce of fat. I miss feeling sexy and strong. Where is all this going??? I don’t really know. I guess to announce that I wore a bra last night that I thought fit me, until I realized later on in the night that my boobs definitely did not fill it in anymore. 

I miss my breasts. I miss my butt. I miss my curves. I’m definitely vain, but it’s the truth

One more month of Lupron....and then I can start filling in my DD bras again....eventually, right?

Friday, March 25, 2011

Back from Mexico...and back to life!

I left for Mexico on Sunday to soak up some sun, rest, and enjoy a break. Although we stayed at a pretty awesome resort, the internet was non-existant and I dared not use my cell phone (the international bill would kill, for sure). So I was cut off from the world.

And it was just fine.

There wasn’t much to blog, write, or talk about to others. I spent my days relaxing, laying on the beach, and attempting to drink. Oh, and I ate, ate, ate.

And slept like a bear in hibernation. I didn’t even have to take the sleeping pill. I just slept. To lay down and rest, while taking in food that I enjoy is enough of a vacation for me. Then add the sun, beach, and my amazing Arkansas family--and I’m beyond happy.

The hot flashes were a little intense with the sun beating on me, but I survived just fine in my bikinis.

I got back finding that I missed S. The man is adorable. I have gotten so used to being around him that the last 5 days were...different.

Yeah, definitely I missed him. Along with the daily calls with my sisters and my skype chats with Kate.

So Friday we are hanging out during the day. Then dinner with a group of people that I went to college with. Those that I haven’t seen much in months because I’ve been stuck in bed. I thank God for these moments and times when life is sweet. I’m trying not to dread or fear the days ahead, knowing that this disease and the pain can hit me at any time.

I’m trying to just trust in the one who knows me, my future, and my dreams. God’s got this. He’s got me...and all of us. He’s got it all.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. 
Each day has enough trouble of its own” 
~Matthew 6:34

Next weekend, I will be running the Bentonville half-marathon. Help us raise awareness and funds for Endometriosis research. Helps us find a cure!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Livin’ Life!

I haven’t posted all week. It has been absolutely crazy with mid-terms and LIFE.

LIFE, as in that thing that occurs when I’m not stuck in bed. How insane is this amazing feeling?

I’ve gone out with my girl friends. I have been able to eat. I made it to game night with new friends. I spent time with the guy I’ve been crushing on (ummm, he is pretty awesome). I have gone biking and running.

I ran a 5k today to raise awareness and funds for children with Cerebral Palsy. AND I got first in my age group. WOOT WOOT! Go 25-29 year olds!

And right now...

I’m packing for Cancun. Heck yes!!!

God is so faithful! 

"I'm sure now I'll see God's goodness 
in the exuberant earth. 
Stay with God! 
Take heart. Don't quit. 
I'll say it again: 
Stay with God."
Psalm 27:13-14 (The Message)

Help us raise awareness and funds for Endometriosis research. Helps us find a cure!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

What? No pain?!?!?

It wasn’t until I ate the entire bag of pistachios while studying that I realized my tummy hurt. I went from not being able to keep down 50 calories to consuming 5000 yesterday (slight exaggeration maybe). It is incredible not being so nauseated all the time, but a little insane that I’m wanting to eat with every single breath I take.

Today, is day #2 of no nausea. Scratch that. Today, is day #2 of extreme hunger and crazy cravings. I have a thing for carrots, pickles, and hummus all together. Sounds interesting, doesn’t it? Let’s make it a little more interesting. How about carrots, pickles, and hummus at 3 a.m.? At least I’m not waking up in the middle of the night sick. I’ll take hunger pains over nausea any day...or night.

The ability to eat is not the best news.

I have no pain in my pelvis. None. Zilch.

Now logically, this should have happened a lot sooner than month #5 on the Lupron. It really doesn’t make sense that I had tons of pain for months following surgery on this drug. Dr. Gorman had said that I had “endo out the wazoo”. He said he tried to get everything. I love that man to pieces, but I don’t understand how I hurt for months after surgery.

I had my second surgery October 6’th of last year, followed by an excruciating period. I started Lupron in November, which intensified the pain for about 8 weeks. Dr. Gorman said this was normal because of the increase in estrogen production in response to the first few shots of Lupron.

Uhhhhh, yeah.

So I endured it. I could barely walk after all the shots. The hip and pelvic pain was hell, but I assumed this was the way it worked. Get some injections--and then BAM!--you are down for about 5 days. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep (still working on that one). I could barely move without feeling like someone was crushing my core.

But this 5’th round of shots is different.

The pain is gone. I’m not swollen. And I’m eating.

At first, I was a little confused by it. Should I be happy that I’m finally without pelvic pain or pissed off that it took surgery and 5 months of Lupron to get to this point?

Happy. Very happy.

But pissed off at this disease and the treatment.

Dear God, please, we need a cure.

Help us raise awareness and funds for Endometriosis research. Helps us find a cure!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Epic Fail kinda of day

S invited me to go for a bike ride with a group of triathletes Saturday. Of course, I said yes before I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew the ride was going to be difficult, considering that I haven’t been on my bike much lately and just had my lovely Lupron dose Friday. I was smart enough to know that these athletes were stronger and faster. I figured it’d be a challenge, but I had no idea.

Goodness gracious, I struggled on that ride! I know I’m out of shape when...just 40 miles on the bike is now hurting my booty. As Kate would say, “HOLY HELL!”. 

I pushed and pushed to keep up with them, but I fell behind constantly. S would fall back each time and let the other three take off. Then I’d apologize for being so slow while gasping for air and sniffling my runny nose. He kept saying it was fine. That I was doing great. But, I know I should be better. Well, I used to be better. 

During the ride, the dry mouth from the Lupron had me inhaling water like a camel. I had all my water, plus S’s 3 bottles. It is crazy how much this drug makes me thirsty! I keep drinking and drinking, but the dry mouth doesn’t go away.

I thought I did fine. I got home with plenty more energy and excited over being on the bike. I watched a movie with my best friend, Kim, and then attempted to sleep. But sleep didn’t come much. I’d wake up every 30 minutes or so, thirsty. I’d have to get up, drink, and then try again. I felt like I was working out all night with the amount of movement and water intake.

This morning, I felt like I was hit by a train. I told myself to just get up and get moving--that I’d feel better once I got out the door. I moved slow. I got ready for church. I drove to church. But then I turned back around and came home after realizing I was over 30 minutes late.

I also missed the triathlete party that S was asking me to go to. And i missed hanging out with Stacey during the day like I had promised.

Toady,just felt like fail, fail, fail. EPIC fail kind of day.
Maybe tomorrow it will get better.

Friday, March 11, 2011

And so begins Month #5

I had my Lupron dose today.

Month #5. Goodness gracious, I can’t wait ’til this stuff is over with! I was rockin’ it at first. Usually, I get sharp pains in my pelvis right after the shots. Today, it was different. I felt fine for the first few hours. I got so excited. I thought that maybe I wouldn’t be in bed all day. Maybe these darn shots won’t knock me down this time.

Hmmmmmm. Maybe not.

I don’t understand these stupid shots. Why do I still get so much pain with them? I was doing so great lately. I hadn’t felt the pains in a couple of weeks. It was just the nausea, fatigue, hot flashes, and all that other jazz getting to me. The pain was better.

It WAS better.

In fact, it was so much better. I ate. I moved around. I even planned on going to see Kristen’s softball game. I got ready. I got in my car and drove down the road.

Then I turned around and came back home. The pain had grabbed at me a bit too much.

Darn it. I hate these silly shots!

As frustrating as this is, I’m ok. I’ve learned. Pain is temporary. This will soon pass. I won’t give up.

I’ll get back up tomorrow.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, 
for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” 
-Gal. 6:9

Help us raise awareness and funds for Endometriosis research. Helps us find a cure!

Monday, March 7, 2011

The “good” hurt

The marathon yesterday was absolutely incredible. All the weeks of training finally paid off! It’s so crazy to think that 5 days ago I was passed out, unable to get out of bed, and then I ran 26 miles yesterday. 

It is even crazier for me to think about 8 weeks ago, when we started training for the run, and 8 miles would leave me crumpled up in bed for 2 days.  

Or 14 weeks ago, when I was having trouble just walking without pain. 

Between the surgery and Lupron, it didn’t seem possible. It makes me think of Matthew 19:26, when Jesus says, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” I know, without a doubt, that God got me through the training and run. 

And I know that God is going to get me through the last two months of Lupron shots. 

I’m not looking forward to Friday. I’m trying not to dread the injections, but I hate that drug. It makes me sick just to think about it. So, I try not too. 

I’ll think about the good hurt. The pain from muscle soreness that has my body creeping around like an old lady today. I am so stinkin’ sore, but I love it! It’s not pain from endometriosis or a drug...and that makes me happy. 

The good hurt is so worth it.

Maybe the side effects from these shots will be worth it too. I can only hope!

Help us raise awareness and funds for Endometriosis research. Helps us find a cure!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

26.2 MILES all done!

I did it! I ran the LR marathon today! It took me a VERY long time! Just over 4 1/2 hours (an hour longer than my race time pre-surgery last summer), but I finished!

5 months from the day.

4 months on Lupron.

8 weeks of training.

And TONS of support from friends and family.

God is so, so, so good!

Getting set in the 30 degree weather at 6 am!

Hanging out in doors with Kevin, trying to keep warm!

Meeting friends at the finish line!

Finally seeing Kim at the end!

Sporting my huge marathon medal with the treat of my choice!
Love my animal crackers!

Next up- the Hogeye Marathon in April. Ohhhhhh snap!

Help us raise awareness and funds for Endometriosis research.

Saturday, March 5, 2011


Race day is tomorrow!

I’m feeling so much better and beyond excited. We hit up a 2 mile jog this morning to keep our legs moving. It was the most movement I’ve done in 4 days.

And that’s fine.

I have been sleeping and my appetite is in full force.

I’m ready to run the Little Rock marathon!

Help us raise awareness and funds for Endometriosis research.

Friday, March 4, 2011


I’m doing better. I spent the last 2 days in bed. The doctor said the Mucinex and Ambien, coupled with lack of sleep and anxiety about this run, hit me pretty hard. S said it was God’s way of keeping my stubborn butt in bed, rested before the marathon. Whatever it was that caused me to pass out and stay in bed, the rest was much needed.

We are leaving for LR in a couple of hours. The drive is about 3 hours. I’ll be sleeping more in the car. My body is finally just soaking up the Zzzzzzzz’s.

2 more days ’til marathon day...

God is good.

"He gives strength to the weary 
   and increases the power of the weak. 
Even youths grow tired and weary, 
   and young men stumble and fall; 
but those who hope in the LORD 
   will renew their strength. 
They will soar on wings like eagles; 
   they will run and not grow weary, 
   they will walk and not be faint.”
~Isaiah 40:29-31

Help us raise awareness and funds for Endometriosis research.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Hit the wall

I woke up at 2 a.m. feeling even worse than yesterday.

Head pounding. Body aching. Heart racing.

I thought maybe I had the flu. I could barely stand up without falling over. Around 7, after canceling our 3 mile run for the day, I tried to eat something. I reasoned that I would feel better if I got some food. I ventured to the kitchen, made some oatmeal, and then passed out. I woke up drenched in sweat with oatmeal everywhere.

I don’t remember much. All I know is that I felt like a train hit me. It wasn’t good.

Around 10, Kim brought me to the doctor’s office. I got blood work and an EKG done.

I am fine. The doctor thinks it’s just a reaction to medication coupled with lack of sleep--and anxiety over the marathon. Yup. Apparently I’m so excited that I’m making myself pass out.

I missed all my classes today. I’m in bed resting. I need some recovery before the run on Sunday.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Waiting for the storm to pass...

I am a little sick. Actually, I’m stuck in bed right now.

Shaking, nauseated, and extremely tired. Ohhhhhhh Lupron, you are too much fun!

But I really don’t care, because I’m running a marathon in 4 days. 

I ate and slept good Monday and Tuesday. But then today--BAM! It hit me. And now I’m down. 

I’m running the marathon in 4 days. 

Right now, I’m just waiting for this little time of sickness to pass...