Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Silence

"When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. 
   When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place, 
   it won't be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God, 
   The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you: 
   all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That's how much you mean to me! 
   That's how much I love you!
I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, 
   trade the creation just for you.”
~Isaiah 43 (the Message)

Yesterday, I fell silent.

I didn’t blog. Even though I am stuck in the house due to a wintry storm of ice and snow, I couldn’t do anything.

I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t write. I couldn’t even just be.

It wasn’t the physical pain. It wasn’t the Lupron or this disease. Nor was it the news of another pregnancy--someone else’s joy that I failed to celebrate with all of my heart.

It was me. All me.

Confused. Upset. Sad. Angry. Frustrated. Hurt.

Bitter.

I let every emotion creep into my world for just a little bit yesterday. The breaking of my heart, my dreams, was the only thing I could feel for a moment. I thought the harsh reality would last forever.

But I refuse to allow the suffering and tragedies of my life to define me. I refuse to give into the self pity and despair. I refuse to stay down on the ground, defeated in the battle against hope and all that the Lord has planned for me.

I am not endometriosis. I don’t have to be intimidated or identified by it. Instead, I’m going to trust that God is going to use this suffering for something amazing--just like He promised.

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for”. ~Jeremiah 29:11 (the Message).

He knows what he’s doing. He’s got this all planned out.

The tragedies of our lives can’t ruin us if we give it all to the Lord. He will work out everything for good--if we just trust Him.

“...every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good”. ~Romans 8:28

Every detail.

Every tear that falls. Every ounce of pain my body endures. Every prayer I try to utter.

And every time of silence.

It’s all going to come together someday.

A triumphant victory from this life of tragedy that all know.

"If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans”. ~Romans 8:27






4 comments:

  1. You are a very strong woman! I can tell just by reading your post, shows that even if you have a moment of letting things get to you, you pick yourself and know that there are bigger plans involved. Hope things start getting better for you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You said it much better than I did. I'm still praying, friend.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I left an award for you on my blog.
    http://lifelovelivininit.blogspot.com/2011/02/it-feels-like-im-living.html

    ReplyDelete