Sunday, February 27, 2011

No one said it would be easy

I slept about 5 hours last night. It isn’t 7 or 8, but I’ll take it. My body hurts all over--like a major weight work out a couple of days ago. It’s the deep tissue massage. 

I threw up some yesterday. The nausea was so intense. I wonder why I can have an absolute GREAT day followed by a day where I feel miserable. It was hard for me to get anything done yesterday. I attempted to study for about 5 hours--and nothing was accomplished. I finally gave up at night and checked out what all my Facebook friends were up to on a Saturday night--mainly college friends and family (aka Facebook stalking). 

Then S started texting me. He had asked me earlier if I wanted to bike ride tomorrow. I do, but I can’t. I’m going to hang out with Stacey and her new baby boy. So, we had this little text conversation about how all our college friends are having babies now. I guess that’s the thing to do...if you are physically able to. I didn’t say that to him, of course. 

There are reminders all over Facebook. Reminders that leave me sometimes asking “why?” and sobbing through the nights. But it’s my own fault. I go looking at the baby pictures and the family photos. Sometimes my whole “newsfeed” on FB is full of baby news. I could simply click away and not read further. But I don’t. 

March marks the awareness month for Endometriosis. I wish that I could forget this disease and not talk about it anymore. But that would be selfish. 

Because there are millions suffering. MILLIONS. And the average diagnosis takes 9 years!

How on earth can we let young women go 9 years without answers, if any? 

It breaks my heart. 

So I keep on talking and posting and hoping and praying. 

I want to just shut up. But over and over, I am reminded how lonely I felt when I was in so much pain without answers. God, how do we deal with this? How do you raise awareness for a disease that people shrug off as “female problem”? Do others think I LIKE to talk about bleeding, pain, and infertility? Do they think I like to bring up the Lupron hell and detail the side effects? 

I hate endometriosis. I absolutely hate it. I wish that I could ignore it. But someone out there might be reading all of our blogs...or Facebook posts...or awareness site. So I keep on talking and bringing it up. 

“No one said it would be easy, 
             No one said it’d be this hard”
~Sheryl Crow

It is so discouraging to be running a marathon for awareness on a disease that others look down upon. It is so embarrassing to talk about my pain and that I’m in menopause at 27. I hate it. 

But I have to keep plugging away. I have to keep running. And I have to keep talking. 

The site is still up. It seems as though it failed because not much was raised in awareness. But it is still there. Maybe someone will come across it. 

Someone that needs a little bit of hope. 



Help us raise awareness and funds for Endometriosis research. www.hope2endure.org


4 comments:

  1. Yes I totally get it - I currently know at least 7 people who are pregnant or who just had babies. It hurts.

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  2. Sheryl Crow is one of my all time favorite artists... I seriously just love her.

    As for the rest - you keep talking lady. You keep talking, I'll keep talking, we'll all keep talking... It breaks my heart too. Every time someone I know has a baby, I want to curl up in a ball and cry. Because I know it probably won't ever be me. I know this disease has taken that away. And so, I'll keep shouting out for answers. Because really... that's all any of us can do. Sending you lots of love and light friend...

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  3. I was just getting ready to sit down and write about this very subject. I think it just solidifies the fact that we do need to speak up... you're still amazing. Even if you do need a break. We all need one at some point or another.

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  4. Thank you for sharing on your blog. I love reading it and my heart goes out to you. I am glad we can offer some solace amongst one another and all the others out there battling crippling, life-changing illnesses. I am here for you. :)

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