Monday, February 21, 2011

M.I.A and my brain

I was pretty zonked yesterday. I spent most of the day in recovery from the 21 miles of running. I think my body was kind of in shock. Maybe my brain too. 
My nights have been horrendous. I sleep about 3 hours total, waking up constantly with hot flashes. I feel like I’m on fire sometimes. I do have prescription Ambien. I don’t like taking it, but I have the last few nights. I’m still not sleeping though. 
I can’t wait for the time to go to bed because of how exhausted I feel. At the same time, I dread the night because of all hell it brings. Insomnia is no fun, especially when wanting relief from the side effects of Lupron. 
The sleepless nights have taken a toll on my ability to function normally. I feel like an awkward mess most of the time. Like at church, when usually I’m outgoing and “bubbly”. Last night I was nervous, anxious....awkward. It takes every part of my being to sit through it all. I couldn’t even look at our pastor afterwards when he was talking to me. Ummmmmm, again....awkward. 
This morning I did 25 miles on the bike. I honestly don’t know how I’ve been able to push through the exercise. It is completely an act of God, seriously. I feel horrible most of the time. It is a struggle to get out of bed. Yet, somehow and someway, I get it done. 
I know this post really doesn’t make much sense (not that any of my other posts did either). I’m just attempting to keep track of how I feel...and maybe release some of the awkwardness. 
“Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. I don't mean that your help didn't mean a lot to me—it did. It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles.”
~ Philippians 4:13

2 more months of shots. 

Lord help me get through. 




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3 comments:

  1. Have you heard of Melatonin for sleep? Its all natural, works great for me and doesnt make you feel as groggy as other non-natural things.

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  2. Thank you so much for the suggestion. I do take melatonin at times--way more than the Ambien. :)

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  3. I hate this drug. I hate this disease. And I hate that you're there right now... I remember being there too, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. :(

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