Sunday, February 6, 2011


I’ve spent most of the day in bed. Exhausted and hurting. I got up with a little gusto, but couldn’t hold myself together long enough to survive the church service.

Wouldn’t you know, the sermon was on Matthew 9, the same chapter that I was pouring over this week. It was about compassion and our walk of faith. And the woman who bled for 12 years. She is mentioned in Mark and Luke as well.

"And a woman who had suffered from a flow of blood for twelve years and had spent all her living upon physicians, and could not be healed by anyone,
Came up behind Him and touched the fringe of His garment, and immediately her flow of blood ceased.
 And Jesus said, Who is it who touched Me? When all were denying it, Peter and those who were with him said, Master, the multitudes surround You and press You on every side!
 But Jesus said, Someone did touch Me; for I perceived that [healing] power has gone forth from Me.
 And when the woman saw that she had not escaped notice, she came up trembling, and, falling down before Him, she declared in the presence of all the people for what reason she had touched Him and how she had been instantly cured.
 And He said to her, Daughter, your faith (your confidence and trust in Me) has made you well! Go (enter) into peace (untroubled, undisturbed well-being).” 
~Luke 8:43-48 (Amplified bible)

I cry whenever I read that passage. I held back the tears when the pastor talked about all the pain the woman was going through--both physically and emotionally. He said that we needed to have compassion on those who are suffering.

"Compassion, in Hebrew, is ‘racham'....The word racham is very close to the word in Hebrew for womb, ‘rechem' and is infact from the same word root. It is far more than a feeling of pity or sorrow for someone hurting. It is the exact feeling that a mother would have for her child to the point of even giving her own life if it need be. That is the compassion G-d has for us and the compassion He wants us to have for our fellow man”                               ~"Biblical Compassion- a Hebraic View”, by Ellen M Min
 If you would have told me that I’d be suffering from this disease 10 years ago, I would have laughed at you. I would have responded in pride, scoffed at your ignorance of how athletic I was, and I would have mocked this disease. I was young, strong, and clueless. I was on top of the world, pursuing my dreams as an ice hockey goaltender, and training with the best. I thought I was unstoppable as an athlete. I thought nothing could hold me back physically.

I didn’t know what the word compassion meant back then.

If anything can be learned from this battle with endometriosis and my struggle on Lupron, it is this:

I have learned compassion. I know what it feels like to have so much pain, that I beg God to take me home. I know what it feels like to struggle physically. I know the days of not being able to get out of bed. I know the nights of crying out for relief.

And I know what it feels like to hurt for someone else--to feel such heartache for their pain. I know what it’s like to cry out to God for them--begging him to comfort their spirit and send relief. Not out of pity, but out of true compassion.

A compassion I never would have known without the pain of suffering and disease.

"The race is not always to the swift, 
   Nor the battle to the strong...
   Sooner or later bad luck hits us all.”
~Ecclesiastes 9:11 (the Message)

I lived my whole life in pursuit of perfect, physical health. I gave my everything to be the best athlete and have a strong, muscular body. But all that means nothing now. 

Now, I’m just a crumpled mess in my bed, sucking on saltines, surrounded by fans, and praying to God that I can get up at 4:30 a.m. to make the 6 mile run with Kevin at the gym. 

6 miles that used to be nothing to me. 

But now feel like eternity. 


  1. Beautiful my friend... such a good message!

  2. I hope you feel better today, I know I am totally in pain today from my workout yesterday... lost a couple lbs but I am sure am paying for it! Youll get your energy back girl!

  3. You deserve an award and so I have left you one over at my blog x

  4. Thank you for sharing. Praying WITH you. Hope you have a good day. <3