Monday, January 24, 2011


 "Long before he laid down earth's foundations, 
he had us in mind, 
had settled on us as the focus of his love...” 
~Ephesians 1:3 (the message)

I woke up in the middle of the night with hot flashes, again. After changing into a dry t-shirt, I quietly tip-toed out of my room, where my sister lay sleeping. I grabbed my MacBook (just in case I decided to blog) and made my way upstairs to the spare bedroom. Waking up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat and unable to sleep, has become the norm for me. 

I can’t wait until I’m off the Lupron. 

"He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight in making"
~Ephesians 1:7

In church, our pastor talked about glorious living in Christ. He was reading from Ephesians, urging us to not settle for what God has in store for us. “Don’t compromise. Don’t live for just the good are being offered the great life”. 

How do I have hope in the great life when I’m hurting so bad and I feel like my dreams have been broken...completely shattered? How do I keep on believing that this too shall pass? How do I keep on trusting when nothing seems to make sense?

"It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, 
he had his eye on us, 
had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone”
~Ephesians 1:11-12

I can’t wait until I’m free from the hot flashes, nausea, fatigue, emotional fits, crazy cravings, insomnia, and pain. I can’t wait until I’m a mommy. I can’t wait until the purpose of this pain is worked out. 

Because I know there is a reason for all this. That is how I keep on believing and hoping. I know God is in control. I know this life he designed for me is glorious. 

I just can’t see it now. I can’t see why God would allow this disease. The bible says that long before I was around, God designed my life. This beautiful life, shaken to the core with disease and pain, was planned out. There is a purpose for all this

Just like there is purpose for sunshine and rain, storms and drought. God has a purpose for allowing the loneliness and sickness. 

And it’s a glorious purpose. 

I just wish I knew what it was.

 "I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory
to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, 
your eyes focused and clear, 
so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, 
grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him
—endless energy, boundless strength!”
~Ephesians 1:17-19

To bring attention to the glorious life I know right now, Renee and I had some great sister time yesterday. 

Church, country cafe, date out with Kyle...together, and then eating liquorice in bed while watching Man vs. Food (side note: I’m secretly in love with Adam Richman and his passion for food). 

The both of us may be hurting physically. We may be drained and dragging around our young bodies with every step we take. But we are blessed to be with each other, growing stronger in the battle against the diseases that God has allowed...for a purpose. 

It sounds wrong to say and write it, but I know it is true. 

God has allowed this pain for a purpose. It’s all part of His glorious plan. 

Oh heaven, I wish I could see the end of this journey, but for now I’m still trusting and believing. 

I can’t wait until the vision comes to pass. I can’t wait until long awaited dreams are fulfilled. 

I can’t wait to be free from all this heartache and pain. 

For now, all I can say is thank you. 

Thank you, God, for this pain that is working out something so glorious and beyond my understanding. Thank you for the times of sorrow that have helped me appreciate the joys in life. Thank you for my sister and her compassionate love. Thank you for your hand on my life. 

Thank you for showing me how to endure and persevere through the storms of suffering. 


  1. Very good way to look at things! I was thinking some of the same thoughts myself recently.

    On a side note** I love cooking and I too think man vs food is amazing that guy is so passionate, I dont even think I am that passionate!

  2. Thank you, sweetie. I hope you have a great day, full of smiles and lots of hope.