Thursday, January 27, 2011

Make sense of this...

There are many moments in life when nothing seems to make sense. Moments when we try so hard to comprehend the chaos around us--hoping that with understanding comes relief--a reason for the pain. But no matter how hard we try to fit the pieces together, we are left broken and clueless. 
If I had a choice, obviously, I would get rid of some of these damaged pieces that make up my life. 
Like this disease. Endometriosis. Infertility. Living with chronic pain. Fighting Lupron, hormones, and the harsh opinions of others in regards to a “female problem”. These are the pieces that don’t fit into my perfect life plan. These are parts that I wish I could disown, throw away, and be done with.
But obviously, it’s not that easy. 
Life is complicated. Unpredictable. A perfectly designed mess that is beyond my comprehension. 
Why do bad things happen to good people? Or more specifically, why does disease and infertility strike the lives of women who dream of motherhood? 

It’s all chaotic to me. 

I wish I could understand...just a little bit. 

Oh, friends, the day was filled with more energy than I’d had in a while. I got through classes, training, and rehearsal without falling apart physically and emotionally. But I still am longing for the pieces to make sense. I’m still praying that God will fulfill His promise--that something good will come out of all of this mess. 



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