Saturday, January 29, 2011

I Shall Not Walk Alone

“Don’t be a hypocrite”. The words were spoken with the best of intentions from Kevin, as I lay curled up in a ball after we ran today. It was hours after we finished and I was still in my running shorts. Kevin was telling me to get up and eat. I kept saying that I would...when I felt better. My bones were aching. My body hurt. And I didn’t want to move.

I wanted to close my eyes and fall asleep for as long as possible. I didn’t care how stupid I was being to my body. I felt horrible and nothing mattered at the time. The nausea that had depleted me of fuel the past couple of days was still hanging on. I was dehydrated and falling apart.

The 16 miles tore me up today.

After the run, I feel just as bad as I look

I did pretty well until around mile 12, considering that I wasn’t able to keep food or water down at all yesterday. With about 4 miles left to go, the crazy dry mouth from the Lupron made it hard to breathe (dehydration wasn’t helping the situation either). My throat was sore and screaming. My lungs were gasping for air. My usually low heart rate was soaring above 185 (its been high since the first injection). And my bones were stinging. This drug messes with the body...big time.

Eventually, I did finish the run. Kevin practically carried me the rest of the way with encouraging words.

The trainee had become the trainer.

“You always tell me to eat, eat, eat. I know you don’t feel good, but you have to try. Don’t be a hypocrite”, he said again to me, “get up and eat something”. 

He was right. I knew it. I had to force some kind of nutrition in my body. Even if I threw it up--like I did earlier--I had to try. I shuffled into the kitchen and grabbed the first thing that I saw in the fridge.

Baby carrots. Leaning over the counter in a pathetic state, I began eating carrots like they were...twizzlers. As I began to feel better, I boiled water and made some pasta.

I ate ’til I was full. And I kept it all down.

I wrote my previous blog in a lot of pain. I had hit a very low point both physically and emotionally last night. When I received your comments, it encouraged me to know that I was not alone. Thank you to all those who prayed for me and offered support. Thank God for hearing our cries in this battle to endure.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, 
   but God is the strength of my heart 
   and my portion forever”
~Psalm 73:26


  1. I really need to catch up on your blog! I have been so busy with gumboots, assignments and a particular boy that I just haven't had a chance.

    I have a blog award waiting for you!

  2. I kind of love Kevin. Any chance he could be a romantic issue?

  3. Love your blog! I nominated you for Stylish Blogger award, come pick it up at my blog.

  4. Thank you so much, ladies!

    SIF, Kevin is definitely not a romantic issue, but your comment made me smile. :) Thanks girl!