Friday, January 7, 2011

86 Lupron

Back in college, I worked part time as a server at a couple of different restaurants. I learned a lot of the lingo spoken in the food industry and dining during those years. One of the terms that I became familiar with is “86”, which is used when the restaurant is out of an item or when something should be discarded.

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No, I’m not out of Lupron.

But I want to be. I want to “86" Lupron.

I didn’t get my 3’rd shot this week, as planned. I avoided it like the plague. I told myself that I would follow through, but I didn’t.

Why not? 

Why can’t I just listen to the doctor and do 6 months of this drug? I push myself through crazy workouts and races, but why is it so hard to get through this treatment? What is wrong with me?
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I hate Lupron. I hate Lupron. I hate Lupron. I hate Lupron.


Today, I planned out my runs and bike rides for the next twelve months, which is typically what I do at the beginning of the year. This time, however, it is different. There is a reason for the madness.

Hope 2 Endure.

I am not just running and biking for cancer, diabetes, MS, Veterans, and all the other causes. I’m pushing to endure for endometriosis awareness as well. I’m standing up for my own cause. I’m raising funds for education and research for a disease that I have.

But I’m not a good enough reason. If that was the case, I would have started running and biking for awareness 3 years ago.

It’s not about me.

My reason for running and biking is now bigger than my own pain. It’s about all the faces I see when I run. Faces of all the amazing women that I have connected with through blogging, Facebook, and e-mail. Those that are battling endometriosis, pain, Lupron, surgeries, infertility, and being put down for a sickness that they have no control over. It’s about the young women who are ignored when they cry out in pain. It’s about giving hope, encouragement, and love to those that feel like they are alone.

I didn’t see these faces 5 months ago. All I saw when I ran was myself, my disease, and my own pain.

But like I said, it’s not about me.

More than likely, I will get my third dose of poison on Monday. I will follow through with the whole 6 months. I don’t want to, but I will.
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(not my real booty drawing)
Why? Why bother taking a drug that I hate? 

Because Lupron is buying me more time, saving my organs from a disease that wants to steal my fertility. It is delaying the endometriosis from growing back. It is halting the growth for a moment, giving my female parts a chance to just be, without disease.

So as much as I want to 86 Lupron, I know that I won’t.

I also know that I won’t stop training, running, and biking for awareness.

I’m determined to live out loud.

I’m excited for what the year will hold. I’m eager to see what God is going to do as I trust in Him. There is no limit to His greatness. Even when I am emotional, stubborn, and a mess.

He’s got this.

And with or without Lupron, He’s got me.

“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and we will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.” 
Psalm 37: 5-6

Side note:
Jimmy Boy has said that he will join me in some of the runs if he doesn’t get deployed. Pretty cool, huh?

4 comments:

  1. On your schedule... I'm gonna push for the Clearwater Ironman in November... I'll come cheer you on!

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  2. OK, as a girl who really had to come to a point where she decided that she could not do Lupron again... If you are hating it that much friend, there has to be another way.

    This last period was the first period since I started my "tea". It was leaps and bounds better than the last. Granted, that last one was after IVF, so all my lining was WAY thicker than normal and that period was pretty freaking rough, but... this one was more bearable than normal. I don't know. I mean, it was still painful. And I am still having daily pain. So I don't want to tout some cure here (which is why I haven't written about it on the blog yet, because I really don't know what to thinkg), but... I'm inclined to think that something in this concoction I am drinking twice a day might actually be helping.

    For the first time in the last 2 years, I am not treating the endo medically at all. I haven't been on anything in 2 months. And it is terrifying. But I made the decision to throw myself 100% into alternative treatments until my next surgery. Acupuncture once a week, these herbs I boil down every few days, and organic/whole foods diet (yes, I kicked the pizza - you would be proud!) The best effect? I am slowly regaining my energy every day. I am definitely still having pain days, but nothing that has left me incapacitated. And I'm not throwing up (like I was on Lupron) or losing my hair (like I was on Lupron) or any of the other horrible side effects.

    It's only been a little over a month of this. So I can't say anything for sure one way or another. But I CAN say that I am starting to feel more like my normal energetic self every day, and that the pain isn't so bad it's keeping me down, so... there is something there I think. I'm inclined to believe the alternatives might be at least helping.

    This is the longest comment ever. And I am SO not giving medical advice, because I don't know anything definitive right now. But I just really hate to see you suffering so. :(

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  3. I feel you on *86*in Lupron I go in next week for thankfully my last shot. I still haven't noticed any improvement from the treatment but I can say I won't be doing it again.
    I'll be cheering for you that everything goes well and your able to do all the things you have planned.

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  4. Rachel, that sounds awesome. If I hit up clearwater, I would love the support!

    SIF, thank you soooooo much for sharing. I’m still debating on the shot. I really need to try that tea. Everything and anything seems worth it.

    Becky, I will be cheering you on as you get your last shot as well. Has it gotten ANY better at all?

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