Sunday, December 19, 2010

A stick with boobs

“I want to change the world, but instead I sleep...
I want to believe...
But all I can do is keep breathing”
~Ingrid Michaelson

I’m sightly discouraged today. Just slightly. 

But I’m telling myself to look on the bright side of things. 

At least I’m still breathing. 
That’s what I tell myself, as I’m throwing up. I am missing church right now. I was supposed to sing in all three services today, but that wouldn’t go so well with the vomiting. 
Look on the bright side, Patricia Anne!
There’s always a bright side, right?
A man’s spirit will endure sickness,
but a crushed spirit who can bear?” 
Proverbs 18:14

I have to keep my spirits up or this sickness will swallow me whole.

Get up. Open the shades. If the sun isn’t shining, it’s okay. At least I can see the clouds in the storm, right?
My body is hurting, but at least I can write about it. At least I can read the words of others who are going through this pain with me. At least I am not alone. 
Look on the bright side, at least it isn’t life threatening, just life-altering. 
My hair is falling out excessively from the Lupron, but at least I have a lot to lose. My full, thick hair was always hard to style in the past anyway. At least it takes less time to dry now. Just God, please let it stop falling out right...about...now.
My weight has gone down so much from not being able to keep food down, but at least I still have my boobs. That is a bright side, right? I lost so much muscle. My athletic, strong, and sexy body has now become a stick, but at least I am a stick with boobs. 

August 2010 - when I had some muscle tone...
but atleast I still have my chest!
Look on the bright side. 
I failed my final exam in one of my classes, but at least I was able to get perfect scores on all my tests during the first half of the semester. At least I was able to get out of bed and get to class to take the exam, even if I was in pain the whole time. 
The hot flashes from this drug have me burning up and sweating like crazy, but at least it is winter time. At least it’s freezing outside right now. I don’t even need my coat on most of the time. 
google images. My fans are bigger.
Look on the bright side. 
I went running up and down hills yesterday! Well, mostly jogging and walking, but it was still heaven. At least I have good days now!!! 
It could be worse. It could be summer. I could be bald. I could be alone. 

“I, even I, am He who comforts you”
 ~Isaiah 51:12

I know that God is with me. 

I may have a hard time coping with the pain. I may be crying my eyes out from the Lupron. I may be throwing up every ounce of food and water that I’m trying to take in this morning. 
I may not understand why on earth I have to deal with this sickness, but that’s okay.
Look on the bright side. 
At least I’m not alone. At least there are other women who understand. And a God up in heaven who went  to hell and back for me. 
He understands. God knows. God hears my cries. God has not abandoned me.
He’s better than anything I could ever need or want. Better than the sun shining through the open shades.  Better than singing in church. Better than muscles and a beauty. Better than eating breakfast and lunch. Better than running hills.

I just have to remember to look on the bright side...

 “We forget sometimes that life is beautiful


3 comments:

  1. you poor dear...I feel your pain. I love your humor...as I was the stick....just the stick!! LOL.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Count your blessings,
    Name them one by one
    Count your blessings,
    See what God has done
    Count your blessings,
    Name them one by one
    Count your many blessings,
    See what God has done.

    My Mum always sings this to me. And it makes me feel better. Your post reminded me of this. I have the same hot flushes in the middle of an Australian summer. Uhhh.

    Blessings to you. You are a source of inspiration to all of us.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Noelle, I hear ya girl!

    LC, I LOVE THOSE LYRICS!!!! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!! Thank you!

    ReplyDelete