Saturday, December 4, 2010

Running the race as I wait

“I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me” ~Acts 27:25
Today is race day. 

But I won’t be running.
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Five months ago, in early July, I had signed up for the Memphis Marathon as a St. Jude Hero to raise support for the children’s hospital. I was trained and ready to run at the time. I was busting out 80+ miles a week...easily. I was living out the dreams of an extreme endurance athlete. 

I thought I was unstoppable. I thought my purpose was to push past the pain with physical activity. I thought I could overcome this disease if I was strong enough, fast enough, and good enough. 
But God had other plans for me.
He allowed this disease to grow. He allowed the pain to knock me down. He allowed the sickness to confine me to my bed. 
God did not give me endometriosis, but He has allowed it. He has strengthened me through the suffering. He continues to love and guide me through the hard days and nights. 
“If thou but suffer God to guide thee,
And hope in him through all thy ways,
He'll give thee strength, whate're betide thee,
And bear thee through the evil days:
Who trusts in God's unchanging love
Builds on the rock that naught cam move” 
A few months ago, I was crying my eyes out with just the thought of not being able to run the Memphis marathon. I thought that anything less than 26.2 miles was unacceptable. I even dismissed the thoughts of doing a 5k because it seemed “too small”. 
I was blinded by my pride of being an endurance athlete and strong athletic trainer. 
Oh, so much as changed in 12 weeks! 

Today, I am thankful to be able to shower, dress, and drive to the store. I couldn’t do a 5k if I wanted to. I can’t even make the drive to Memphis to support others. The pain is too great and my body is too weary from the drug. I still hope for the future though. 

God is Sovereign. God is Mighty. 
I still believe the Lord. I still trust Him in this sickness. He will deliver me. He will heal me.
There will be another marathon. There will be another season of health and happiness in my life. There will be better days. 
Laughter and energy are coming soon! I just know it!
“Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” ~Job 2:10

"Thank you, Lord, for your peace and comfort in the pain. Thank you for your never-ending love. Thank you for your sweet hope that calms my heart in this storm”. 

4 comments:

  1. Thinking of you friend... Good is surely on it's way. I totally believe that!

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  2. I'm so sorry that you can't participate but I am hoping that you get relief soon! One day we will all kick endo's butt I just know it!

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  3. I so empathize with you on this. Last year, I was training for my first 50k race and the Marine Corps Marathon when I found out I needed knee surgery. I was told that given the amount of damage that I've done over the years, if I didn't stop running long distances, I would need knee replacement before I was 50. You are so right in that it is humbling to realize your body's limitations, but it does give you the opportunity to see things and appreciate things you might not have noted otherwise.

    As always, I am humbled by your perseverance and faith.

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  4. Thank you so much for your encouragement and support ladies.

    Jendo, I wanted to do the Marine Corps Marathon too, but I couldn’t in the past!!! UGH! The really bad days do make me appreciate other things though...like being able to shower and go to the store....and sleep...and eat.

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