Sunday, December 5, 2010

Round 2


I used to be so bitter and angry. 
I was mad at this world, God, and myself. 
I hated life. I hated people. And I was the most miserable person to be around. 
After my first surgery, I got really depressed. I sunk low in self-pity. I allowed endometriosis to take over my life. I gave into the hopelessness of a disease. I was deep in a pit of despair. 
God rescued me. He covered me in His love. He pulled me out of the muck and set my feet on solid ground. He refined my heart through trials of fire. 
I am far from perfect, but God is still working on me. He’s not done with me yet. He gave me a second chance. 
So here I am at Round 2, y’all. My second surgery, followed by another round of Lupron. Those are some of the same ingredients that I allowed to steal my joy in the past. 
It is not going to happen again. I’m not going to let the bitterness and anger creep back into my heart. I am not going to lose hope and faith. 
I started this blog to “deal” with the this second chance. I was terrified that I had to get another surgery. I was scared that I would fall into the despair again. And this time alone, single, and far from home. 
There were many times in the past few months when I cried out to God in tears and anger. There were many moments when I felt the hopelessness try to take over. Yet through the words of other women, I was encouraged and strengthened to press on.
God continues to bless me overwhelmingly with His love. I’m amazed at how different Round 2 has been. I’m in awe of God’s grace, peace, and comfort right now. 
My prayer is that I don’t waste the pain. My desire is that I glorify God with my life, even in this heartache and sickness. My hope is that I can somehow offer encouragement to others fighting Endometriosis. My dream is to be a mom...and to raise funds for our cause. 
I wanted to run, bike, and walk for a cure. I wanted to push my body to raise awareness and money for research for a cure. But I quickly realized that it is harder to fight the battle when the body is weak...and in pain.
So, I’m not going to run for a cure. 
Someone else is doing it for me. 
My friend, Jane Kupkowski, is going to run the Great Wall of China next year. For me. For you. For a cure. 
Jane & I, holding up the cross
with running shoes bracelet she gave me

After battling her own medical hell for three years, Jane is making a comeback. Her round 2 is pretty big as well.
This amazing, strong, beautiful friend of mine holds world records for her training and races. She has done the triple ironman and utlrathons. She trains solders in the military and kicks insane butt. 
Jane also has been my encouragement at 2 AM, when I’ve called her in Japan, crying in pain night after night. 
And she’s running some of the Great Wall of China to raise funds for Endometriosis research. 

We are currently in the process of figuring out more details. Please let me know if any of  you have suggestions. 
No one should have to suffer with this disease, ladies. 

4 comments:

  1. I know, Jane is so great! I’m really excited that she is raising funds and awareness with the great wall! It’s definitely precious to have a friend wanting to give in this way.

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  2. This is amazing!! What an incredible friend you have!!

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  3. Wow, she is amazing! I just started reading your blog and you are such an inspiration. I am sorry for all the pain you are suffering. But I am glad and thank you for sharing. I have always felt like no one understood and that maybe my pains were "all in my head". I was diagnosed at 21 and had my first laparotomy at 22 followed by 3 months of Lupron. At the time I lived with a boyfriend and was glad to have him there for support and help. I was on bc for years after that and then got off the pill as I just didn't like it any more or all the weight gain. Last year I felt something was wrong and had a laparascopy done, that doctor said she couldn't do anything for me because the endo was behind my tissue near my vital organs. She suggested I have a baby or a hysterectomy. I was 32 and single so neither was an option for me. After searching for months I finally found an awesome doctor who suggested another laparotomy and said NO lupron. He doesn't like it. So, almost 4 weeks I had the laparotomy and he removed the endo and had to raise my ovaries and flush out my fallopian tubes. I am still in some pain but feel hopeful that I will be ok for another few years. I pray!. My doc said he wanted to give me the option of trying to have a kid and extend that at least another 5 yrs. I am now 33 and still single and because I have been off from work and having to take it easy and with the holidays and all...i feel myself getting depressed at times and I try to push through it. But am so grateful to have found your blog as it is encouraging and full of hope. I pray for us all that one day a cure and more education is found/done for endo. Esp since people don't understand all that we struggle with.

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