Friday, December 3, 2010

Regarding Evil



It’s 20 minutes before my next class. The three hour class. The hellish long, drawn-out class that I would normally enjoy because I love to learn about the body in every way possible. 
But right now, I want to puke, courtesy of the evil drug we call Lupron. 
I had my second injection of the poison this week. I feel it invading my body, draining me of energy and vitality. I feel it crawling in my tummy, begging me to throw up the dry cheerios I snacked on for breakfast. I feel it stabbing my pelvis, pinpointing the spots that used to thrive off of estrogen. I feel it tugging on my happiness, tipping the scales with uncontrollable sadness. 
I hate this drug. I hate the way it makes me feel. 
But I hate endometriosis even more. I hate the way it tears at my insides. I hate the way it robs me of dreams. I hate the way it has altered my life plans and goals. 
Out of my two choices of evil right now, I tell myself that the Lupron isn’t as bad as the Endometriosis. 
The Endo is a much greater threat. 
I choose the vomiting, hot flashes, exhaustion, sadness, and pain in an effort to spare me from the damage of disease. It does not seem like much of a choice though, does it? 
The lesser of two evils is still evil. 
 "The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom... ~ 2 Timothy 4 :18 

2 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear about your pain. It is so humbling to read how it brings you greater strength and faith, and not away from it.

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  2. Oh Jendo, thank you. I know good days will come as well. Hopefully sooner than later, right? God is my comfort, strength, joy and hope in the pain. It still hurts, but knowing that He is in control gives me peace in the storm. I’d drown without my faith.

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