Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Car dancing on the horizon

Tonight, I can’t eat. 
Everything I try to take in, comes back up. I can’t stop my body from shaking and my core from stinging. The tears are many. The pain is great. 
I want to be at church, practicing our sunday music with the others. I want to be laughing. And smiling. And wrapping myself up with the holiday cheer. Singing Christmas songs! Rejoicing in the birth of Christ! 
But tonight, I am here on my bed, with my MacBook next to me. The heating pad is on high, laying across my tummy and pelvis. The fans are blowing cool air, as the hot flashes burn my face and neck. I’m trying to eat saltines, but I keep throwing up.
Thinking of tomorrow...

Maybe tomorrow...
I will wake up and stretch out on my bed, laughing because the pain will be gone. I’ll jump around in pajamas and run to the window, switching the blinds to show the morning sun rejoicing along with me. 
And then I’ll laugh some more. And dance. 
Then I’ll eat a big breakfast. Maybe eggs and pancakes, with some fruit. Or maybe I’ll have a huge blueberry muffin. And some coffee. 
Maybe the endo and lupron will be gone, so I’ll skip all my supplements. I’ll just take my multi-vitamin, no need for the Bone-Up, calcium, fish oil, evening primrose oil, borage oil, flaxseed oil, vitamin C, B-12, B-6, and whatever else I normally take through out the day that have left my thoughts momentarily.
I’ll eat my huge, delicious breakfast. And I won’t worry about throwing up. And I won’t worry about pain. Or being exhausted. 
Instead, I’ll put on some fun holiday music and dance!
I’ll bust out my crazy dance moves, just like in the past. I’ll have all the energy of my healthy self. The crazy, bubbly, overflowing energy that everyone knows. I’ll sing and strut my moves all over the place. 

I’ll shout out my praise to God for healing me!
And I’ll laugh some more. 
Then, I’ll put on my running shoes and hit the road. I’ll be bundled up in my UnderArmour to keep my booty from freezing. I’ll sprint down the road like I did 4 months ago. I’ll run up and down those hills like the sickness never touched me. I’ll do my normal, every day 7 mile run to the “chicken house” and back. 
And I’ll laugh some more. 
After I get back from my run, I’ll drink a chocolate-peanut butter protein shake. 

Yumminess from google images

And eat a banana. 
Then, I’ll stretch out and laugh some more. 
I won’t even have to take a break. I’ll jump right into the shower, singing and dancing as I wash all the well-earned sweat off. 
Then, I’ll get dressed up and go see friends that I haven’t been able to hang out with in a while. And we will all laugh together, catching up on this amazing life. 
I’ll eat some pasta for lunch, with lots of veggies. Maybe some homemade pizza for dinner. And it will all be so yummy. I won’t get sick at all! 
Then, I’ll have dessert at Marketplace with my friends. We will eat the big chocolate mess, which is a huge fudge sundae that requires about 5 people to finish. I’ll eat most of it though. 
And then, with my belly full and happy, I’ll laugh some more. 
I’ll go home, get back in my pj’s and ready for bed. 
And bust out some more dance moves!
I won’t need my heating pad or my fan. I won’t need any more pills. 
Just a prayer of thankfulness to my God for healing me. 
I’ll smile as I fall asleep. 
Remembering the days of car dancing and laughing...

Dreaming of tomorrow. 

After all, who wouldn’t smile when watching me dance?

1 comment:

  1. I loved the video, and I can appreciate how a simple ability like car dancing can be taken for granted. I so hope you feel wonderful tomorrow...and can do all the things you wrote about.