Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Heat Waves

The tears have been flowing today. The pain kept me in bed for hours, sobbing. I tried to get outside to enjoy the sunshine and life, but my body failed to move from the seat of my car. I drove around for an hour, determined to make myself get out. 

The Lupron puts my body through a hell of emotions. The depression sets in for about as long as the hot flashes. My face will feel like it is on fire, burning for about 20 minutes. My tears are hot and many. The pains in my tummy escalate when I allow the whirlwind of emotions to take over. 

But then it passes. 

I breathe again. The chills come. I feel the winter air for a few moments before the next wave of heat, pain, and tears arrive. 


I wouldn’t wish this drug on anyone. Except maybe my ex’s. 

“Stop looking at the race. Look to the finish line”, were Kevin’s words to me today. It’s amazing how the man who started as my client years ago is now a close friend and coach to me through this storm. His wife, Kim, has become one of my dearest friends and sources of encouragement. 

“This too shall pass” was a text message that I received from Mike, another friend. 

I will get through. I will survive. 


I just keep repeating those words tonight. 

“Great Wall. Great Wall.” 

And somehow, the thought comforts me. 

Because the heat waves don’t seem so bad compared to that massive race.

I’m going to pack now. And then head to Memphis to see Natalia, my beautiful pregnant friend. I’m still running the race. 3 more months of this drug. I’m looking to that finish line.

"Let Us Run With Perseverance The Race That Is Set Before Us..."  

(Hebrews 11 and 12:1,2)


  1. I am new to your blog! I have been suffering from endo for so long that it seems like forever. I so understand the hot flashes and the pain. I am to the point that I have tried everything to manage pain and the endo and I don't know what to do next. I am really not sure what to say or think anymore. I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking of what my next step is. I just thought I would leave a quick comment and looking forward to reading more.

  2. I knew there was a reason you were on my mind today. Praying for you, friend.

  3. Thanks for the encouragement, Noelle!

    Thank you so much for your prayers, Lenzey. You are such a blessing, sweetie!

    Nicole, I am so sorry that you are suffering with the pain and hot flashes too. I know the hopelessness that can try to creep in when we don’t know what to do. I’m so thankful for the blog world because I have connected with some amazing, strong women who God has used to lift me up and encourage me when the pain felt like too much. Just remember that you are not alone, right? God has us in His hands. And we are fighting this disease together. There is so much hope on the horizon. Keep looking up!

  4. I just came across you blog through a series of other blogs and I wanted to say I feel your pain all to well. I was diagnosed with endo 6 years ago, after many years of pain they finally gave me a name but no real help. I've been through just about every treatment under the sun at this point short of a complete scraping of my uterus or hysterectomy. I go in for the last of my 6 Lupron shots in 2 weeks and at this point it's given me no noticeable relief. I just wanted to let you know that there are so many of us out there that have been where you are and I can't tell you how much I appreciate seeing blogs like yours making sure people know about this disease and how awful it is for those of us that suffer from it. To many people are under the impression that it's just a case of bad cramps when it's really so, so much more devastating than that.

  5. Beckysworld, thank you for sharing your story of endo and lupron. I am so sorry that you have not had any relief with the shots. The Lupron is definitely harsh. I really, truly hate it.