Monday, December 27, 2010

Another sunrise

I had an amazing weekend. With the exception of Friday, I was able to live and laugh for a good amount of time without crazy pain. I slept all day and lived for a few hours each night. I remembered what it was like to see the sun rise again.

To be “normal”. To be with friends. To eat out. To venture out into the craziness of life, finally.

It was a picture of a glorious sunrise after a long, hellish night. I was captured by the beauty of every moment. I took pictures of everything and everyone that moved...and even things that didn’t.

But at night, I would prepare for battle with my heating pad, and the questions would overtake me...

Will the nausea ever stop?

Will the gnawing in my tummy end? Can I escape the pain that shoots down my hip flexors? Can I run from the emotions that grab hold of my heart and squeeze out every salty tear?

Will I be able to run like I did before this disease took over my life? Will I be able to be strong and athletic? Or will I waste away as skin and bones?

Will this pain one day disappear with the sunrise?

google images

Will I wake up to find all my sickness healed?

Will the scars that mark up my insides fade? Will the adhesions fall away? Will the womb that has been cursed be filled with love and hope?

Will I survive ’til morning?

My answer is always to lean toward the Lord, to lean toward hope, and have faith.

I have no other choice.

In the middle of the darkness, we have faith that the sun will return with light. We trust that God has a reason for the dark nights. We believe that those reasons are good.

And we trust that the night will turn into morning a million more times. We believe the night will end.

I want to believe that I will get better. I want to believe that I will give hope and encouragement to others by running, walking, and biking for the Endometriosis Association. I want to believe that I will have a family of my own someday.

I want to believe God wholeheartedly, in ALL things, just as I believe the sun will rise again. 


  1. I want to believe too friend. But some days... it is so much easier than others.