Monday, December 13, 2010

After The Storm

"There will come a time you'll see with no more tears, 
and love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears.  
Get over your hill and see what you find there, 
with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.” 
~Mumford and Sons, “After the Storm"

The pain today was almost unbearable. 

How can this be? I had another surgery to help me feel better, not worse. I am on Lupron. Isn’t it supposed to help? 

My insides feel like they are on fire. My whole body is aching. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep.  I have a final tomorrow. And I can’t think. I can’t study. I can’t function right. 

Why does the pain have to get worse when I try so hard to stay encouraged? 

 "For I am afflicted all day long,
    and punished every morning” 
~Ps. 73:14

When I wake up, my heart is always hopeful. I am always excited for the day to begin. But then the pain grabs hold of me, pulling my hopes back down. 

At night, the sickness keeps me awake. I hate turning in my bed, over and over, clutching my heating pad while my body burns up. I blast the fans on me because I feel like I’m on fire, but my muscles are tightening in my stomach, calling out for something hot to offer relief. 

Then the headaches come. 

The nausea hits. 

The thirst is unquenchable. My mouth is always dry. 

And my insides just twist and twist, like someone is giving my organs an “indian burn”, wrenching me around and around. 

Today, was a different kind of pain day though.

In the storm of tears, I was encouraged. Just knowing that I have a friend, halfway around the world, training to bring awareness for endometriosis brought a smile to my face.

My prayer is that Jane will raise funds to support research for endometriosis as she puts her body through the hell of training for this crazy marathon. 

My hope is that more people will become aware of this wrenched disease and recognize the urgency for a cure. 

I am so tired of this pain. I was certain that I’d be dominating runs and gym work outs by now. It has been 2 1/2 months since surgery, but I’m still in bed with this dang heating pad, praying for relief.

I’m hoping for this storm to pass soon. 

"What am I doing in the meantime, Lord? 
      Hoping, that's what I'm doing—hoping” 

~Psalm 39:7 (the message)


  1. I'm sorry to hear you struggling again. When I read your posts, I truly wonder about the current treatment of endometriosis which ought to heal pain, not bring it. It seems like such a barbaric option, particularly when there doesn't seem to be any permanent solution. You've brought so many issues to light, and I am so grateful that you are so open about your challenges.

    I hope you feel better tomorrow.

  2. Jendo, thank you so much for your encouragement. This morning is much better. God is good. And faithful.

    I don’t understand why the pain is still around with the Lupron. I agree that it does seem like a barbaric option!