Thursday, November 25, 2010

Struggles

I’ve got a heating pad across my tummy and pelvis. The sharp pains and fatigue hit me later in the day. I wasn’t expecting my body to hurt today. I thought that maybe the holiday would grant me a little extra grace. 
I’m struggling now. 
Fighting to be hopeful when I haven’t been able to move. Trying to be positive when I’m with my amazing sister, who is fighting an illness of a different kind. Looking for the victory in the battle against this disease. 
Today is Thanksgiving. The one day of the year that we are supposed to give thanks. I am beyond blessed in my life with amazing family and friends. I have a dream job and much more going for me. 
My cup overflows...
But I’m struggling right now. 
The idea of pain is bringing me down. Not just my own pain, but of all the women that are battling endometriosis. 
It just doesn’t make sense to me. All the tears and heartache. All the broken dreams. All the sickness. Just from this mysterious disease that keeps trying to crush us. 
I’m thankful. I really am. I’m thankful for a God that continues to love me. I’m thankful for His promises to never leave me. I’m thankful for the suffering in my own life because I have become more compassionate to others. I’m thankful for how God has drawn me closer to Him in the hurt. I’m thankful for the strength to persevere and the heart to endure. 
I just wish we could have some answers for this disease. I wish we could have more hope for a cure. I wish we knew how to reverse all the damage and make the pain end. 
Thank God that I know what’s wrong with me. Thank God that I was able to be diagnosed. And treated the best way possible right now. 
But what about the millions that are clueless and in pain? What about the teenage girls that are silent, thinking this is normal? What about the women that are mistreated by their doctors and humiliated? What about the women who can’t afford any help? 
I’m thankful, God. I really am. I’m just struggling tonight...

4 comments:

  1. I think you know I've been struggling for the last few days too. I just don't understand this. I don't understand why we have to face this.

    But I KNOW that good can come from bad. And I also know that we are not alone... I'm here for you friend. Whenever the pain gets to be too much and you just need someone to shout at - I'm here.

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  2. Shout out to me TOO! Both of you are in my prayers. I too have been struggling with this disease and have been doing some out of the ordinary research. If the medical world don't have any answers then I am willing to explore some other research. I am finding more and more environmental research that is really worthy of my attention. That is something I will post myself. For now I say a prayer that your pain be eased if only for tonight. xoxo

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  3. I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling...but I am humbled to see that even in the midst of it, you still think and care for the well-being of others.

    It is appalling to see how little information there is on endometriosis....that the cause of which is at best a speculation. I was looking for a website to help raise funds for research on endometriosis, but couldn't find one. That's really disturbing.

    I do so hope you feel better soon.

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  4. Thank you so much for your encouragement and love, ladies. I am beyond thankful for all the support I have found in the “blog world”.

    SIF, your strength is incredibly beautiful. If you ever need to shout, I’m here for you too.

    That Girl With Endo, thank you so much for your prayers! And thank you for sharing all the helpful information on Endometriosis and supplements. You are a blessing, hon.

    Jendo, I completely agree that it is disturbing that so little awareness is out there. I promised myself that I would do something...anything...to raise awareness. My goal is a “walk for a cure” someday. There is one in Atlanta next june that I will probably do, but I’m hoping to get something going in the midwest. It might take some time, but I’m determined to get something going.
    There are a couple sites that I came across to raise funds. I’m trying to figure out the best way to do it. I think I might start my own site and post the link when I do my marathons and bike rides for other charities. So I’d be able to raise awareness and support for other diseases while doing their races, but I’d call attention to Endometriosis at the same time.

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