Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Reasons Unknown

Thank God I’m not married.

That was my thought this morning as I was able to jog a couple of miles in the park near my sister’s house in Queens. It it absolutely beautiful this time of year, with the fall colors screaming out happiness. The chilly weather rocked my bones a little, but I loved every minute of being outside.

Hell Gate Bridge in the fall!
It’s hard to believe that last Thanksgiving I was engaged and wrapped up in wedding plans. I spent the holiday in Florida with my mom and sister, discussing all the little details of another wedding. We poured over bridal magazines, picking out things to show my wedding planner.

Three days later, the engagement ended.

I was heartbroken, again. I couldn’t believe that God would let another engagement come to an end, without marriage. I couldn’t believe that I had allowed myself to make the same mistake. I didn’t think I was strong enough to make it through another broken dream.

Here I am, though.

I’ve survived two broken engagements and two surgeries in the past three years. For reasons unknown, God has loved me through it all.

Thank you, God, for taking care of me. Thank you for getting me through the hard times. Thank you for the blessings that will come from the heartache someday. Thank you for the struggles that I’m going through right now as well. I don’t understand the pain, but I didn’t understand it last year either.

Thank God I’m not in control. Thank God for the reasons unknown.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 
   neither are your ways my ways" 
            declares the LORD”
~Isaiah 55:8

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