Sunday, November 28, 2010

All that I can write



"I am poured out like water,
   and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
   it has melted within me”
Psalm 22:14 
I wish that I could blog about how happy and healthy I felt today. Or blog about how full of energy I am. I wish that I could share excitement in my life right now.
I wish that I could move. I wish that I could eat. 
I’m so exhausted that I can’t even walk around the house. I dragged myself to church this morning, but then quickly returned to my bed and heating pad. I tried to walk outside, but the attempt didn’t last long. My whole core is in pain, especially the right side of my pelvis. I have only been able to eat some saltines and a little bit of squash, which I threw up. 
I wish this pain would end. I wish I could go back to the strong woman I was before. I wish that I could enjoy my life fully again. 
A close friend said to me today, “It doesn’t matter how many times you fall down as long as you get back up”. I’ve heard that quote before. In the past, I related it to sports, training, injury. But right now, it applies to my physical ability to get out of bed. 
The exhaustion and pain have kept me here all day, wishing and praying. 
I wish that I could write more, but I’m too tired and depleted. 
My mind is empty of words of strength. 
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All that I can write is that I’m hurting, but trusting God. 
I’m trusting that He hasn’t left me in the pain. That He is still here. That He still has plans for me. 
“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out - 
plans to take care of you, 
not abandon you, 
plans to give you the future you hope for”
Jeremiah 29:11

2 comments:

  1. Oh honey I hate to hear you in so much pain. I know there isn't anything I can do but send you my prayers and hugs!! I hope tomorrow is better!

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  2. I'm sorry to hear you are in such pain...but as always, I'm awed by your faith. I hope tomorrow brings you less pain.

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