Thursday, October 7, 2010

Another lap pity party




I had surgery to remove endo again yesterday morning so I’m in a pretty crappy mood.

According to my friend, K, who picked me up from the hospital, Dr. G said the surgery went well. Do surgeries really go “well”? 

My ovaries were fused to the pelvic wall. He said the endo was everywhere. He also told K that it had advanced a lot more since my last surgery.

And then he said to K the words that have played on my drugged up state of mind and reduced me to tears:

“I’m really trying to perserve her fertility for as long as I can”.

Dear God, I want to be a mom. Why is this happening? 

Why do I see pages and pages of pregnant friends on facebook? Why do I see mommies and babies everywhere I look? Why does it hurt worse then the physical pain to know that I may never have a child of my own?

Dear God, I don’t understand. Why the pain? 

 I know my life is blessed. I know God has a plan. I’m just throwing another pity party. I’ll blame it on the pain medicine again.


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