Tuesday, October 5, 2010

My hope

What does it take to know God’s love? Is it a happy marriage? A baby? A rewarding career?

No.

For me it is an incurable, painful disease. Tears. Heartache. Loss.

For me to know God’s love, everything else had to fade. All my desires and dreams had to be ripped from my grasp. My heart had to be broken. My body had to be torn apart.

This sickness has shown me the Lord’s love in my life. The pain has proven to me that when everything and everyone else is gone, my Lord is still holding me close.

I can find comfort in the dark. I can find peace in this whirlwind of a storm. I can hope despite the life sentence of infertility and pain.

How??? HOW CAN I POSSIBLY HOPE WHEN MY BODY IS BURSTING WITH PAIN AND THE DOCTOR CAN’T FIND A REASON OR A CURE?

I don’t know. I just find hope knowing that the Lord knows my pain.

And God is BIG.

Bigger than I can possibly imagine. His ways are mighty and awesome. His plan is better.

Yes, it hurts, but God has me. He has this all under control. He knows every single spot this disease lives inside of me. He knows the trying days and the long nights. He hears when I cry out to Him, begging for relief. He is with me when I feel completely alone. He saw me yesterday, when I struggled to put my clothes on because the stings in my tummy were too painful for touch. He knew I had to take a shower 3x during the night, looking for relief from the heat.

He knows my pain. He took on much more pain on the cross.

He was torn apart for me.

He bled for me.

He gave His life for me.

He is my hope.

The cross is my hope.
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