Saturday, October 16, 2010

Morbid people aren’t chirpy.

I am not a morbid person. I don’t like hearing about death, sickness, and suffering. I hate gory movies. And even shows like CSI bother me. 

In fact, I am completely opposite from someone that is morbid. I love life, health, fitness, and helping people feel better. I am typically a very happy person. I laugh all the time. I’m even accused of being “too chirpy” by many.

Morbid people are not “chirpy” y’all. Actually, it defies all rules of morbidness. I am the type of person that morbid people don’t like to be around. I have a “bubbly” personality, even when I train at 4 AM. 

Yet, here I am with my chirpy self, blogging every day about pain, struggles, and disease. 

It bothers me when I begin to write a post and all I can think about is how I feel, which has been pretty miserable lately. I want to write about how healthy and strong I feel again. I want to be able to write about happiness and excitement.

I want to write about relationships. A guy that is charming, loving, sexy, and can cook. I want to talk about how happy we are together. And how much I love him. 

I want to write about hopes and dreams, like marriage, being healthy, and motherhood. I don’t want to write about pain all the time. I don’t enjoy it. I don’t want it. 

But I have pain. A lot of it right now. And to be honest, I don’t know how it is possible to be happy about pain. Even with all my chirpiness, I cannot make pain enjoyable. 

Here are some facts to prove my point:
1. I have endometriosis.
2. Endometriosis causes pain.
3. Pain just flat out sucks. 

The whole point in starting a blog was to help me cope with the above facts. Of course, I didn’t realize that my posts would always look so...morbid. I expected a bit more happy moments to balance everything out. 

I guess I don’t have many sun rays brightening my life right now. I have this. 

This stupid, crappy disease that makes even “chirpy” people look morbid and dramatic. 

Lord knows, the last five years have been a lot of sickness and heartache. I’m definitely ready for some over-the-top, excessive happiness. 

Um, did you get to read that Lord??? am ready for some happiness.

1 comment:

  1. I'm pretty darn chirpy too, but the thing I've learned is... you can't ignore the pain. And sometimes, the blog has to take a morbid turn.

    For me though, getting all the ick out on the blog means that I don't have to focus on it as much in my real life. Writing about my hurt and sadness and crap means that I don't have to talk about it every time I'm with friends. It means I get to have my relationships and life and be chirpy "out there" even if I'm not here.

    So, use this blog to get it out when you need to! If it means it isn't infecting your life and relationships, it's worth it.

    And when you're feeling better, you'll be able to be chirpy here too. I promise you that!