Sunday, October 10, 2010

How He loves us

I received an email today from a friend of mine doing missionary work around the world. He shared a recent blog of his on the love of God. He wrote that nothing that we could do would make God loves us more or less. NOTHING.

I struggle with this idea that God could love me so much. I don’t feel good enough to be loved by the Creator. Maybe it’s because I am a perfectionist. Maybe it was my upbringing. Whatever it is, I feel like I need to be absolutely flawless to earn God’s love. Yes, I know about God’s grace. I know that I can’t achieve this on my own, but I still try. And when I fail over and over and over in my striving, my heart just doesn’t feel worthy enough to be loved by God.

Let’s be completely honest with where I am going with this:

I have thought many times that the physical pain I get is my own fault.

I have been told by more than a few people that having unforgiveness and sin can be reasons for why God hasn’t healed me. I have cried out to God. I have pleaded and begged for mercy and forgiveness. I have repented over and over. I try to be a good follower of Christ, but I don’t feel good enough. I feel like if I could just have more faith and be a better person, then God would heal me. I know it doesn’t happen like this. I know that I could never make myself good enough to deserve God’s love because God already loves me. But why the pain? Why the heart ache? Why the suffering?

How come many of my amazing friends are celebrating pregnancies and family, yet I am dealing with a disease that causes pain and infertility?

How come I love to be so active and yet I am laying in bed struggling to gain the strength to finish getting ready for church this morning?

How come babies are given to mothers that don’t want them and my greatest desire to be a mom is fading with each surgery, drug, and year?

I don’t know why the pain, but I believe that God has a reason for allowing affliction other than my own failures. I believe that God loves me. In my friends blog, he wrote the words I really needed to hear this morning:

“[God] loves you because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because that is what He is like.”

God loves us. We can’t earn His love. We can’t be such a sinner that we lose His love.

God just loves us.

Yes, life hurts. Pain comes. Tears fall. Hope is hard to find sometimes. Discouragement tries to take over during the process of being still and recovering. I doubt. I get angry. I run. I retreat. And God loves me, always, over and abundantly more than I could ever dare to imagine.

Isaiah 30:18 says, “The Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion”. Oh, I pray that those of us in need of encouragement and comfort would feel HIs love and compassion today. I pray that our hearts will be open to His love as well ‘cause the Lord knows I need Him.

I need His love. I need His grace. I need to feel the fullness of God’s love. I need to be covered by His mercy and forgiveness.

David Crowder has a song titled, “How He love Us”, that is one of my favorites.

“We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…
He loves us...”

I was listening to this song this morning, thinking, “dear God, is that true? Am I your prize? Even with my millions upon millions of screw ups and imperfections, can I still be your prize?”

And that’s where the truth of God’s love found me this morning.

I’m focusing on myself. My failures. My screw ups. My times of doubting in my faith. And everything else that I have managed to mess up in life. I’m missing the point. This isn’t about how good I can be or how bad I end up acting.

It’s about God’s grace. It’s about HIS love. And when I take the focus off of my short comings and instead THINK ABOUT GOD’S LOVE, I can sing David Crowder’s lyrics with truth because I won’t “have time to maintain my regrets” either! God’s love is too BIG! His love is too much for me to comprehend or understand.

L.B. Cowman wrote, “Above all, remember - when God hides His face from you, do not say that He has forgotten you. He is simply waiting for a little while to make you love Him more. And once He comes, you will rejoice with the inexpressible joy of the Lord.”

Okay, so I know I ramble non-stop sometimes. But I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t deserve God’s love, grace, or healing. I am not good enough and I will never be. 

BUT that’s not the point, the point is God loves me.

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