Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Finding my “mojo” again


I started the day thinking that I could not get out of bed. I was sad, discouraged, and feeling some serious post-op pain. 

But then I got mad. 

What is going on here?!?!?! What happened to the girl that would wake up excited for the day? What happened to the strong drive I had to overcome pain? What happened to the trainer that pushed through miles of running and biking, even when the body hurt?

Where did my mojo go??? 

So I got up. I got changed. I put on my running shoes. And I walked to the mailbox a few times. 

It hurt like hell. But I can’t get down. I have to keep moving. I can’t give in to the discouragement and despair. I have to get stronger. I have to get back in the game. 

Three months ago I signed up for the St. Jude Memphis Marathon in December. It was going to be a piece of cake for me. I was running 15 miles a day easily. I was biking and training. I was strong and doing great.

But then the endo got worse. My body fell apart. I had to have surgery again.

So what do I do? Give into the disease? HECK, NO! I’m not just a survivor of endometriosis, I am a conqueror. And I will get back to running and push through this hell. 

I still fully expect myself to run the Marathon in December as planned. The date is only 7 weeks away now. Pretty dang stupid, right? 

We shall see. 

In defense of my possibly inflated ego and stupidity, I did think about trading in my “marathon” ticket for the “5k run/walk”. Friends and family are telling me to be smart. “Don’t hurt yourself” they say. 

I fully understand where they are coming from. And yes, I realize that my “driveway walks” are a far cry from marathon training, but I don’t want to give up. I don’t want this disease to take me down in my training and goals yet again. 

I have to try. Just try. If my recovery is beyond slow and the Lupron is too harsh with training, then I will back down for a little while. But I have to try.

Mr. Combs (aka Puff Daddy) puts it best (yes, I’m quoting a rap song now):

"Can't nobody take my pride. 
Uh uh, uh uh.
Can't nobody hold me down... 
Ohhhhh no.
I got to keep on moving”.

Oh snap.  My mojo is coming back.

2 comments:

  1. Oh Snap! Sounds like you've got Romans 8:37 on the brain. My vote is for you to keep your marathon ticket until either: you truly feel that you cannot make it or your doctor doesn't give you clearance. Safety first. :^)

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  2. I find myself seeking out my mojo again every few months. I find it, and then things get rough and I lose it. It's a crappy cycle.

    BUT - I keep fighting. I keep getting back up, and seeking that mojo back out. And I totally believe that you will too! That no matter how many times you fall because of this awful disease, you will always pull yourself back up!

    And that is honestly not something everyone can say. It's something that makes girls like you and me who we are. It's what makes us fighters. Survivers.

    Plus, it makes us pretty darn cool! :)

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