Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Best Is Yet To Come

It has been 3 weeks since surgery. 

I woke up energized and excited to take on the day. Determined to get past the pain with a smile, believing that the best is yet to come. It was like I had just woken up from a bad nightmare. I kept reassuring myself that the “worst” was over. 

When I trained clients this A.M., I picked up a few light weights and stood up most of the time (I have been siting on the floor telling clients what to do since surgery). I went for my little post-op jog, pushing to complete two miles, and averaging around 8:25 per mile. The pain got intense at times, but I completed the run with a smile on my face, bursting with hope. 

I felt like my life was creeping back into my view. 


The homeless shelter was packed today. I go there to volunteer, usually packing lunches and snack packs for kids, or helping out with families. It has been weeks since my last appearance because of the endometriosis worsening and surgery. My energy levels were through the roof because of how happy I was to be back and moving around. 

Not once did I realize that I should have slowed down, especially after running 2 miles as fast as I possibly could just three weeks post-op. I was organizing animal crackers and granola bars like a mad woman for about 2 hours, lifting boxes and climbing ladders. 

Yes, climbing ladders. Maybe at this point I should have had a clue that the pain would hit soon, but I was on a twisted “runner’s high”. It wasn’t really a runner’s high, but really a “out of bed from endo” high. 

If someone would have heard my thoughts before 12 noon today, they would have laughed. I was debating the idea of actually pushing for a marathon run on Dec. 4’th in Memphis for St. Jude. Despite the knowledge that I’d be setting myself up for injury, the marathon felt reachable to me. Remember: I was running 15-28 miles at a time easily. My training was vigorous and intense before the endometriosis tore me to shreds in mid-september. The marathon was attainable before my breakdown and surgery. It’s just crazy-talk now. 

As I was climbing and lifting in my hopeful excitement for the future, the pressure in my abdomen and pelvis started to demand my attention even more. I ignored it. 

The pain hit hard. I started sweating and shaking, praying for it to go away. “No, God, please” I kept saying, “Please don’t let it get worse. I’m just learning how to cope. Please”. 

The pain hit harder. I couldn’t walk. I just shook. My hips and abs trembled uncontrollably. In my embarrassment, I refused to look up. I didn’t want to see someone looking at me. 

A friend of mine was in another room at the time the increase in pain hit, but all of a sudden I felt her hands on my hips, trying to calm the tremors. I told her I was fine. That it would be ok. 

It wasn’t ok. I wasn’t ok. Something was wrong. I pushed too hard. Too fast. Maybe it was the lifting. Maybe it was the climbing. Maybe it was my stupidity. Whatever it was, it landed me in bed the rest of the day. Exhausted, shaking, and holding onto my heating pad for dear “life”. 

LIFE. 

Stuck in my bed for hours again. Laying as still as possible, begging God to take the pain. Crying in frustration and confusion, wanting nothing more but my life back, but refusing to acknowledge defeat. 

Tomorrow, I’m gonna smile again. 

And maybe even jog if I can...





Tony Bennett - The Best Is Yet To Come

6 comments:

  1. It can only get better from here friend. It just HAS to...

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  2. Thanks sweetie. I’m praying and hoping the same for you!

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  3. I've just started reading your blogs and I wanted to tell you that your strength, courage and faith inspire me. I'm praying that everyday you feel better than the last!

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  4. I think you are amazing! With all of your strength and determination, I know that you will kick that endo's butt!

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  5. Sonja, thank you so much for your hugs!

    Michaela, your strength has inspired me! Thank you for your encouragement. You are in my prayers too!

    Suburban Princess, thank you!!! I am all about kicking some endo booty!!

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